Life's meant for better things. Better than having to worry about life itself. Worrying how your life will pan out or will you ever be where you so wanted to be all your life.

Sounds pessimistic, devoid of hope. But sometimes situation seems to overpower you. Make you feel small, helpless. You feel completely stripped of all your senses, thoughts. You feel vulnerable. Meaningless words hurt. You wish no one saw you, no one knew you. You wish you could run away from all this, but you know this is it. This is your life. More you wallow in your pain, tougher it gets. You wish someone pulled you out of this puddle, but no one does. No one can. And no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to get a grip of things.

I don't want to feel this ways. Ever again. Never want to have the sense of defeat, worthlessness. I know winning isn't all. You win some, you lose some. But feeling defeated, that's ugly.

But then, wanting and wishing ain't the way out either...

Complexities of Love...

Come think of it, love is a very complicated emotion. Try asking yourself why you love someone and the answers don't seem very obvious. Or satisfactory. "Because he/she loves me" seems shallow when talking of love. It's not easy to explain love or even why you love someone. Love is difficult. Or seems so...

Hate on the other hand is very simple. It's simple to hate someone, and simple to explain why you hate them. "He did this to me. I want to **** him." It's straightforward. It's easy.

Loving is difficult. That's what makes it beautiful. It's everlasting. Not having a reason to love, no rational arguments, no explanations is what makes it magical. In that way, love can be very simple if you don't try to find a reason for it. But you need to let yourself love. You need to take a leap of faith and trust someone with yourself before you can love or let someone love you. Trusting someone else completely, believing they will not hurt you or break your heart, doesn't come naturally to us. It takes a lot of courage to do that. Probably, that's what makes it so difficult.

Hate might seem very intense at the time, but it fades away with time. True love doesn't. It can't. Once you've loved truly, it stays with you forever. It becomes a part of you forever...
"It's not who we are, but what we do that defines us." Or for that matter, matters.

The original quote is from the movie Batman Begins. The Batman series by Chirstopher Nolan is one of the best studies on human nature and human behaviour. Every scene conveys a lot, but this one has stuck on.

One of those lines which change your perspective in a flash...
I am flawed. I make mistakes. Sometimes inadvertently, sometimes knowingly.
I hurt people. I can be harsh. Sometimes unknowingly, sometimes deliberately.
I brood. I sulk. I prefer solitude. I push people away. Mostly because I can't stand them.
I do what I feel like. Even if I know it will lead to trouble. I am stubborn. Perhaps arrogant.

I want to fly. I know I might fall. I still want to. For the sake of it. To see where I can go.
I love extremes. I dwell in passions. Having something to die for makes you feel truly alive.
I am not nice. I am not good. I am just me. With my idiosyncrasys and my peccadillos.
I don't know how could have I been different. Or better. Perhaps I could. But this is who I am.
This is how I'll be...

The One..

'The One' fought with me the last 2 days for the last line of my last post. And she is pretty good at it too. What? We are 'The One' for each other so we can't fight? Surprise surprise, everyone fights. It's the relationships in which people stand up and fight for it, even when everything looks lost are the ones meant to be. I know ours is. Forever.

Minakshi, you are my life. Those lines were written by a tired, half asleep guy pondering over his life at 4 in the morning. He didn't know half of what he wrote. And he is sorry. For the line, and for the fights.

You and I are meant to be One. Together. Forever. And so it shall be. Love you baby.

Lucky Me!!!

Whether we accept it or not, luck plays a huge part in our life. My hypothesis is that religion was invented to ease humans to accept this reality of life. Faith in a higher power or "everything happens for the good" is nothing but a means of accepting that there are things in this world beyond our control, which we can do nothing about. There's so much randomness in this world, and so little in our control. We might not like to believe this, but we are helpless against most of the things that this world has to throw at us. We can be best prepared, we can fight to our fullest capabilities, but still lose. I guess humans inclined not to believe that little is under our control, maybe wired so, or else we wouldn't have even tried. I am not suggesting that we should give up saying "Whatever I do, it's all destiny." I don't mean that. What I am saying is that we should have the wisdom to understand the limitations of our influence and realize that the randomness of this world plays a major role in our lives. And I say be aware, because that would eliminate the need for looking for answers to questions which do not have an answer other than those invented by us in the form of God et al.

By the way, I digressed a lot from what I had intended to say in the first paragraph itself. Speaks volumes about my abilities as a writer. All I intended to say was that luck (or randomness; I prefer to use randomness but luck is easier to understand and associate with) plays a huge role in our lives. Meeting the right one, let alone "The One" is as much a matter of chance as can be. You might be married for 30 years and then meet someone who you know would have been the one. All you can feel is "What if I had met her earlier..." and you can do nothing about it. And trust me your partner can make or especially break your life.

What you do defines you. And how well you do it, how good you are at it, and how happy you are doing it determines the quality of life. You can work as hard as you can, but if you don't have the aptitude for it, you will never be great at it. You will always be struck in mediocrity and you will just resent yourself, or the choices you made that led you there. Putting it simply, everyone has 'that one thing' he is made for, be it being a cricketer or a teacher or just about anything. Something he knows he was born for, and doing it is the easiest thing in the world and yet you are good at it. You can look at Sachin or Zidane and know they were born to be a cricketer and a footballer. No matter how hard they tried, they could have never become a scientist. I guess the luckiest a man can get is finding that 'one thing', and finding it young, and having the opportunity to pursue it.

If you have found luck in these two things, rest assured you don't need anymore luck. Having it wouldn't hurt, though. If only I could get just as lucky with finding my thing as I did with finding my 'the one'...

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Some Dreams...

I believe some dreams are bigger than the dreamer. The ones that can change the world. They belong to the world, to everyone. They should live on. The dreamer owes that to the dream....