Round peg in a square hole...

"Born to be a misfit, eh boy?"
That is the question I must have asked myself at every step of life.
Is it a curse or a blessing? Blessing disguised as curse probably. Wishful thinking once again, eh boy?
Was it a question or a disguised excuse?
Enough of stupid word play...

Why is a sense of belonging so important to us? That feeling of home, does it really matter?
Coz I have never really felt at home wherever I have been.
As a kid, all I wanted was to become a fast bowler. Seeing Srinath run in and put his life into each of his deliveries, all I wanted to was bail the guy out. I mean, poor fellow seemed to be on his last breath as he released the ball. But my parents had decided IIT it was for me (clich├ęd similarities to 3 Idiots unintentional) so cricket was banned. Dad made the mistake of gifting me a SLR camera after my 10th boards, and while he was assuming I was preparing for JEE, I was busy dreaming of becoming a travel photographer (damn you 3 Idiots, stole my story).

At IIT, weirdest thing happened. Sports was fine as a hobby, but a career in it was out of question. Photography was still in mind, but somehow it had lost its charm. All I wanted to do then was to figure out the meaning of life. I mean Mechanical Engineering can wait or better still just buzz off  if you have found the answer to the eternal question. The more you think about it, more absurd the answers become. The meaning of life is to find happiness. Or peace. That might be the personal motive of a single human being. But what is the motive of life itself? To evolve? Well, Darvin already said that one and a half centuries ago... The more I thought about it, the question seemed ever bigger and unassailable. Greater men have put their entire lives and have not found any comprehensible answer. What was a fool, pondering over it for barely a few years going to scale that? It might seem weird but I did find the answer to that question. There is no meaning to life. The only meaning to life the one that you give to it. And thats the meaning of your life. Meaning of life itself, well, that one for another time when I don't have pint in my hands while typing.

Well, what meaning had I given to my life? Do I still know? Even knowing that would be great. At least I would know my starting point. Then I do know what I want... Probably I am too scared to go down that path, lest I later realize this was not it. Probably not. Probably I am ready to take the plunge.

So what about the round peg? Well, haven't I been one always? I guess you just are misfit, no matter how hard you try not to be. Because some men have to be. Someone needs to change the status quo, isn't it?
The greatest but the most irrational fear is the fear of the unknown, of the future. How ironic is it that we fear what isn't even there... But we still do.. We all do...