A Love for Life

2011-10-12T20:13:00.001+05:30

There are very few people in this world who push you to go the extra mile. They will never sound kind, probably downright harsh, and you will hate them every time they do so. But they are the ones who help you become better. Love them or hate them, just count yourself lucky to have someone like them in your life.

Steve Jobs was one real life example.
Greg House is one fictional example.

But this post is dedicated to my Dad...

Love...

2011-10-06T16:51:00.001+05:30

This is something Minakshi has taught me. And I completely agree to it now, having resisted to the idea for a long time. Love is the most important thing in our lives. And there is just one kind of love - unconditional love.

Having someone in your life who loves you completely and unconditionally can be the most calming, assuring feeling that can be. It makes you feel at home, even in the middle of a storm (figuratively, not literally). And loving them back with all you've got completes you. It makes you a better person. And a relationship based on pure, simple, and honest love can be the source of great fun and joy. It defies time. Its timeless. Its beauty lives on forever...

And love like this is not restricted to just your life partner. You should aim for nothing less in every relationship you have, every role that you play; be it father, mother, son, daughter, or a friend. Life becomes simpler, but most importantly beautiful.

But sometimes while talking about love, we forget the love for our work, our hobbies, and our interests. And contrary to what we might tend to believe, this too is not a one sided love. If you truly love your work, it loves you back. It gives you back much more than whatever you invest in it. It becomes a source of great joy and satisfaction. And its a joyride for a lifetime.

The beauty in our lives can be ascertained from the beauty of our relationships...

For the Rebellion...

2011-09-25T13:13:00.000+05:30

This is a reply to a post by my dear friend Deva . To understand the context and the basic thoughts on which I've built this post, I recommend that you read the original post first at http://devasheesh.blogspot.com/2011/08/indian-spring-or-monsoon-raga.html

Deva has portrayed the whole picture in his own way, and I don't think I can add anything more to it. What is really inspiring in the whole story is that people are standing up for something, and fighting for it to the end. Tunisia, Egypt, Syria, and now Libya have fought and have actually brought about the change. Admirable. Inspirational. That's all I can say. India still hasn't seen its so called revolution take a large scale, a concrete shape, but the seed has been sown. I just pray it doesn't fizzle out in the typical Indian fashion.

What I would like to add to the whole argument is that in all these instances, people have stood against something - tyranny in the Arab countries and corruption in India. Yes, both these issues are worth fighting for. Standing up and fighting for a cause is heroic in itself. But I believe that's just the beginning. We sure need to stand up against atrocity or any wrong doing, and fight to remove it. But it should go beyond that. Standing up against a common evil is the easy part. The tough part which often gets ignored is standing up for something.

None of us want corruption and it should be rooted out. Its simple to say we stand against it. But the tougher part, which needs a lot of introspection and thought, is knowing what do we stand for. Its not as simple as "We stand for no corruption or no tyrrany". Thats just plain rhetoric. We need to know whether its liberty, equality, justice, or fairness (and a lot more, these are mere examples) that we believe in and are prepared to protect those ideals with the same ferocity as we fought against the evil. The opposite of evil is not no evil, but good. Simply eliminating the bad won't suffice, it wont sustain. The evil needs to be replaced by good. In this perspective, this is just the first step. The real new journey begins now. The foundations of this journey need to be rooted in values that are idealistic and unshakable, but open to introspection and debate. These values may be different for each country and even each man, but the thought process needs to be plain, simple, idealistic, and aiming for a common higher goal.

This path won't be easy. It will require a lot of hard work, and the toughest part will be to make people think, make them believe in themselves and their ideals, and giving them the courage to stand up for themselves and their values. It will be a long journey, with no defined destination. But it can be the beginning of something beautiful…

Open letter to Mr. Sibal

2011-09-25T00:56:00.001+05:30

Dear Mr. Sibal,

This is an open letter to you. And I just want to focus one of your whims - Replacing JEE with a SAT like exam and including 12th Board marks in the overall equation.

This is one of those issues where you can actually present some logical (not in the political sense but in the real sense of the word logic) arguments for your decisions. And I must say, the smile with which you put forward your arguments can be really endearing. Anyways, I will try and steer clear of personal comments and sarcasm. I just want to put forward logical arguments both for and against this proposal and let you decide whats best.

Lets start with your point of view. So JEE has gotten tough over the years. The rejection ratio is probably highest in the world. It adds to the already unbearable stress of the students who have to prepare for boards and other competitives and worry about their future. This trend will lead to a burn out amongst the kids. At a tender age of 15-16 they are forced to study 10 hours a day or more. And this intense competition has led to the booming coaching industry, which adds to the stress and is adversly affecting the education scenario. I must say, you really care for the kids. Beneath that charming smile of yours lies a kinder heart.

Competition really is intense, Mr. Sibal. And it only gets worse every year. Just the rejection ratio is bound to make anyone shiver. One in hunderd make it to basic undergraduate engineering courses. And we are not talking about the best engineering college in the world. For all their maginficance, IITs stand pretty much in the middle on the global level, and very rightly so. Just that if you select the top 1-2% students in a country of over a billion, law of averages say you will get some really smart people. Anyways, despite all this, I and the rest of the country has every reason to be proud of our premiere institutes. Anyways, lets get the platitudes out of the way. Sir, its not the high standards of the JEE paper that add to the duress of the kids, or force the parents to spend their lifes earnings on coaching. I totally agree that the examination can throw up some really tough questions which can't be solved without proper training and coaching. But to reject 99 out of 100 people, you need to have a fool proof filtering mechanism.

Even if you set the bar low, the rejection ratio still remians the same. So the stress of being that one in a hundred still remains unchanged. Rather, when the filtering mechanism becomes less stringent, it will become more unscientific and more random. This will rather add to the stress, because earlier if you studied well you stood a fair chance. You knew what was expected of you. The proposed scenario will only increase the paranoia. As the rejection ratio doesn't change, the fear and anxiety of the parents and students won't change and they still will flock to the coaching institutes. The only thing that will change is earlier they studied for JEE, now they will study for SAT (or whatever you want to call it).

Dear Minister, in all this you have thrown in the idea of adding a weightage to class 12th Board marks in the mix. In a country of over 20 Educational boards and their varied marking schemes, how are you going to ensure fairness? Lets say you find some way of normalization (similar to CAT), and work out a formula. But how are you going to ensure that the board results are not rigged? Why should you subject the IITs to adopt a variable in the selection process which they can't control or even be completely sure of its authenticity. I am not criticizing any particular educational board, but today's CBSE boards marks are way off the norm, almost bordering on unbelievability. And there have been instances of large scale rigging in state boards. There is absolutely no quality control in this process. Do you realize this opens up a huge potential for corruption in the Boards?

The answer to increasing competition and stress is not by trying to tinker with the filtering process. The answer lies in building more world class institutions. Why is that a country of over 1.2 billion has just 5 world class engineering institutions? And just one world class Medical College? And just a few colleges in other streams worthy of being compared with the best? Why haven't we built any IITs after 1960s? The way in which new IITs have been created is a total joke. Lets not even get there. That was more of a political stunt than real concern for students. I've seen students opting not to join those colleges. There is a process for building great institutions. You can't lease a few buildings, name them IIT, and say, voila. There is a long nurturing period.

Sir, whatever the selection mode, if you choose only a few thousand students out of half a million, they will always be stressed. The coaching institutes will always thrive. Specially given the fact that not making it through subjects you to mediocrity at best. I totally appreciate you for raising the right issues. But the solutions you propose seem more of a coverup act than solving them. There are no quick fix solutions. If you invest your efforts in building institutions aiming to make them world class, they will bear fruit after 20 years. It will be thankless act. Most building processes are. Someone else will claim the success. But the fruits would be real. Five don't suffice. We need 50 IITs and 50 AIIMS. We need 10 more JNUs. We need world class Architecture schools. And much more.

Humble request, Mr. Sibal. You've had your glory. Build a few (a lot would be preferable) institutions without much fanfare. Give them autonomy. Let them thrive. We need them. And desperately. All the students and India would be eternally grateful.

Random Dream

2011-09-20T12:27:00.001+05:30

Last night I had a dream in which me and Diego Maradona (:O!!!!!!!!) steal a wallet or something from a family at gun point, and then run wild for our lives trying to evade the police. It was totally random.. and I must say almost like a comedy thriller... I obviously don't remember the details, but I am more than positive it was Maradona. And he was something between his playing days fit and todays drug bloated self. And yes, he could run, and I could barely outrun him...
Damn, it was funny :D
I was laughing in my dreams...

It can only be titled "Rants of a disgruntled common man"

2011-09-18T07:24:00.000+05:30

Let me make it very clear in the first line itself. I am not a fan of Narendra Modi. Rather I would despise him from the core if he were indeed involved in Godhra massacre the way they say he was. But that does not stop me from admiring the work he has done for Gujarat.

No, I am not even promoting him for the Prime Ministership or any such thing. But I would like to ask a few questions. The moment Modi's name comes up, the whole political class, esp. the Congress brings up the lives lost in Godhra. Fair enough. But isn't it Congress which presided over the killings of 3,500 Sikhs in 1984 after Indira Gandhi was assassinated by a Sikh, which was the action of one individual. Why is that so casually ignored? Anyways, I have something more important to ask. How many lives do we lose each year to abject poverty? And by that I mean just the number of deaths. Not the number human lives wasted in beggary or such inhuman ways. Do we have any estimates? Do we have any idea? Do we even bother? Why? Because it happens one at a time, away from the glare of the TV cameras. Because it is not as dramatic as communal violence? Because we have gotten so used to it that it doesn't stir the common people any more? Because it never becomes the election "mudda"?

Call it what you may, but that to me is massacre in a different format, the behind-the-back, quietly-eroding-every-fabric-of-humanity way. So it goes unnoticed. But its human life anyways. Whether what they have can qualify as dignified human life is a different question all together, which we humans don't want to ponder over purely because we want to spare ourselves the shared guilt (we nonchalantly pass it off as destiny or our own helpless to do anything about it). Have we ever thought why a country which once was the richest in the world (though centuries ago, we still brag about it), which boasts of some of the most fertile land in the world does not have enough food to feed its own citizens? What has led us here? Who are the people responsible for leading us here? Do they have any answers as to what have they done over the years? Well, truth be told, every leader of the country or state we have had till now is directly responsible for this situation. Why? Because it was his primary duty, and he has not only let us down, he has misguided us and misled us into believing that this is the best India can be/do. All of them are collectively responsible for every life lost due to starvation or poverty. They never take responsibility, and we never hold them accountable. All of them are mass murderers. We just fail to see it that ways.

Let me try and explain why we can safely call them so. After 60 years of independence, we hardly have a 1 km stretch of road which is levelled and without pot holes. I am not a civil engineer, but my friends would back me up on this one. A newly constructed road which in normal circumstances should last atleast 3-4 years looks a decade old in less than 6 months. Why is the PWD/CPWD engineer who approved it and the contracter who built it not responsible for the mess? Why don't we make them accountable? Tenders are passed and won by paying bribes, shitty roads are built, and they break down in 6 months. New tenders are passed and the cycle goes on. And every honest tax paying individual loses. And not just in our money which we pay as taxes, which can be put to better use. But we pay other prices as well. The amount of time lost in driving on such roads, the accidents caused because of poor driving conditions etc etc. There was a study a few years back which summarized that poor roads alone contribute to over two thousand crores of auto spare parts. We pay a price not only via taxes, but in various ways. We just don't realize it or have accepted it as the way of life in India. And the leaders are responsible because it does not take 60 years to build an efficient system which performs its duties. If you have any doubts regarding this, please take a look at Japan. Yes, I am fully aware of the differences of size as well as history. But if that is the benchmark, where do we stand?

Why is it that there are no concrete minimum wage structure in India, one that is diligently followed. Why have we allowed this exploitation of the poor, which condemns them to a life of abject poverty and hopelessness. Why is that majority of the country does not have a fair chance at life? We, as a nation can't provide that to our own people. Our own people who till our lands, grow our food, clean our roads, and dispose our garbage? Why can't we give them a decent life? I am not asking for a good life. But decent, human living standards. Is that too much to ask?

And why do we not ask these questions? And if we do, whom do we ask?

I am not really in a mood to tharsh any and everyone. I know India has its particular challenges. But lets ask ourselves a few honest questions. Why can't accountability not built into the funcitoning of the Indian Government. Let me propose a simple system which I am sure would work. Let's say a stretch of road needs to built. Put up a board at both the ends of the road saying when the road was built, who built it, who was the overseeing officer, and what is the estimated life of the road. In case of failure to meet the preset standards, the people can hold the contracter and the officer responsible, who can then be persecuted for their misdeamours. Yes, there are issues of tolerences, but they can be built into the system. Its simple. And it will be effective. Roads meant for 4 years would atleast last 3 years. I can accept that level of performance. But 6 months. Come on, don't bullshit us around so much. It really hurts our intelligence. And our pride of being Indians. Similar systems can be designed for every single post in the government.

Something similar or even more stringent can be designed for our elected officials esp. MPs and MLAs. One simple way could be that every single candidate be required to present a proposal of the work he will do in his constituency with the funds allocated to him. And the winning MP will be held accountable for it. Failure to do so would simply lead to barring of candidature for the next election term. He does not need to present a full fleged progress map. Just the work he will do with the funds that are directly allocated to him. And the proposal should not have 2 schools and 5 hospitals. It would require details of the work, with reason for doing so, and the budget for it. If nothing, it will ensure that only people who know what's required of them and who understand how to do them will be able to contest the elections. If the details of the proposals are made public, people would come to understand which candidate understands their deepest problems, and how he will solve them. This will automatically ensure the most eligible candidate wins.

I am no expert on democracy and the election system, but in developed countries people are aware enough not be fooled every time. We still are not a mature democracy, in a sense that the people still do not have that level of awareness and understanding. We need these checks and balances to take us to a level where every eligible voter is capable of understanding these nuances. When that day comes shall I be proud to call India the largest democracy in the world. Right now, it's a bad joke on the whole idea of democracy.

Anyways, coming to the basic idea behind this long rant. Narendra Modi is no saint. Whatever he is accused of doing is not pardonable. But we need to give credit where it's due. The point I want to raise is why are people who have been directly and indirectly responsible for millions of lives lost and a few hundred million wasted because of poverty never brought to justice? Because they had the skill to disguise it behind words and excuses?

Ah, the sad part is that the rant ends but this drama of Indian politics doesn't.

Okay, the last line was too dramatic, but I could not sustain myself...

Dreams...

2011-09-01T10:05:00.001+05:30

We have to believe in the beauty of our dreams... And give them shape... For there is no greater joy than the joy of creation.
But the biggest reason to do so should not be that dream is grand or beautiful or that it will change the world. The biggest reason is that it will make us better men or women, taking us closer to our highest evolved selves. And that is the sole purpose of life: Evolution.

Excuses

2011-09-01T09:17:00.002+05:30

"When you're the janitor, reasons matter. Somewhere between the janitor and the CEO, reasons stop mattering."
Steve Jobs

Footnote: We are the CEOs of our own lives...

Own Story

2011-08-24T12:17:00.000+05:30

From the movie Rango: No man can walk out on his own story.

One simple line. Kind of sums up the whole meaning of life. The truism of this line kind of hits you right in the face.

2011-08-20T00:46:00.002+05:30

The choice is simple. Either do anything and everything possible to chase your dream or just let go of it.

2011-08-19T14:06:00.002+05:30

We can achieve our complex selves only by embracing simplicity.

2011-08-18T18:40:00.001+05:30

I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come...

2011-06-10T17:28:00.001+05:30

Of all things you are afraid of, you should be afraid of not becoming the person you wanted to the most.

2011-05-26T13:31:00.001+05:30

I am a walking Contradiction.

2011-05-25T23:57:00.002+05:30

All the pain we inflict on ourselves has its roots in unfulfilled dreams..

2011-05-18T13:05:00.001+05:30

You can't keep waiting for your life to start. This is it. This is your life... Live it the way you want to..

2011-05-18T13:04:00.002+05:30

Hope is the opium of Man.

Built and Re-built like a Tank..

2011-05-03T14:18:00.000+05:30

My laptop is about to turn 5, which is like centuries in the digital world. It has seen Windows XP being run on it like Windows Server (didnt shut if off for weeks), Gentoo compiled on it for 4 consecutive days and then removed the next because the power controls wouldn't work, and finally settling on to the breezy Windows 7.
In the meantime, it has broken down, in bits, and been resurrected umpteen number of times. Here's a snapshot:

Mother Board changed Once (it hadn't failed... Only God knows why they changed it)
Hard Drive changed Twice (just to add storage, no failures ever)
RAM size Tripled (just for speed)
CD Drive changed Once
LCD Screen changed Once
Hinge changed Once
Heat Sink changed Thrice
Battery changed Twice
Key Board changed Once
Adaptor changed Once

So to sum it up, apart from the WiFi card and the casing, nothing in my machine is what it came with. And yet it does everything I need like a workhorse. Can't imagine my life without it.
Dear Laptop, you are deeply cherished...

What's your value?

2011-05-02T02:29:00.001+05:30

There are those who add value. And there are those who create value. Which group do you belong to? Which group do you want to belong to? Try finding the honest answer to these questions. It might help you in understanding your inner desires better.

Travel Blog...

2011-05-01T12:03:00.000+05:30

I have always wanted to make a travel blog and regularly update it too... Make we did, and design she did. But never wrote a single post about travel on it. I accept I am ashamed. Deeply so...
This is the blog:
http://flight2adventure.blogspot.com/
I wish I don't let myself down again...

Dhokha...

2011-05-01T02:37:00.004+05:30

Jaane kitne dinon se kuch likha nahi . Na tumhare liye, na khud hi ke liye...
Jaane kitni baar mann mein kuch aaya, par jehan mein hi rehne diya. Na tumse zikr kiya, na hi kagaz pe baya'n kiya.
'Poetic' nahi sound kar raha hoga shayad. Ya laga hoga aisa hi kuch to likha tha kabhi tumhare liye..
Lagta hai jaise mere andar ka 'poet' kho gaya ho kahin. Kabhi tha bhi ke nahi? Udhar to nahi maanga tha kisi ajnabi se?
Aaj jab likhne baitha hoon to phir shabd dhokha de gaye hain. Ya shayad 'challenge' kar rahe hain mujhe kuch naya kehne ko.
Yahin kahin chupe baithe honge aas lagaye. Kuch 'ideas' aur kuch 'words'. Ek doosre ki talash mein...

2011-05-01T01:15:00.002+05:30

Some things are just not meant to be... Sometimes its wiser to let go... Even if it hurts, hurts beyond comprehension. Sometimes, its okay to say "I quit." I should have done that years ago... Was it hope, or was it fear of hurt that kept me trudging? I don't know. Probably both...

But some battles can't be won, no matter how hard you try. For you don't have the right tools. No one does. Sometimes accepting defeat is the bravest thing to do.

Round peg in a square hole...

2011-02-11T03:46:00.000+05:30

"Born to be a misfit, eh boy?"
That is the question I must have asked myself at every step of life.
Is it a curse or a blessing? Blessing disguised as curse probably. Wishful thinking once again, eh boy?
Was it a question or a disguised excuse?
Enough of stupid word play...

Why is a sense of belonging so important to us? That feeling of home, does it really matter?
Coz I have never really felt at home wherever I have been.
As a kid, all I wanted was to become a fast bowler. Seeing Srinath run in and put his life into each of his deliveries, all I wanted to was bail the guy out. I mean, poor fellow seemed to be on his last breath as he released the ball. But my parents had decided IIT it was for me (clichéd similarities to 3 Idiots unintentional) so cricket was banned. Dad made the mistake of gifting me a SLR camera after my 10th boards, and while he was assuming I was preparing for JEE, I was busy dreaming of becoming a travel photographer (damn you 3 Idiots, stole my story).

At IIT, weirdest thing happened. Sports was fine as a hobby, but a career in it was out of question. Photography was still in mind, but somehow it had lost its charm. All I wanted to do then was to figure out the meaning of life. I mean Mechanical Engineering can wait or better still just buzz off if you have found the answer to the eternal question. The more you think about it, more absurd the answers become. The meaning of life is to find happiness. Or peace. That might be the personal motive of a single human being. But what is the motive of life itself? To evolve? Well, Darvin already said that one and a half centuries ago... The more I thought about it, the question seemed ever bigger and unassailable. Greater men have put their entire lives and have not found any comprehensible answer. What was a fool, pondering over it for barely a few years going to scale that? It might seem weird but I did find the answer to that question. There is no meaning to life. The only meaning to life the one that you give to it. And thats the meaning of your life. Meaning of life itself, well, that one for another time when I don't have pint in my hands while typing.

Well, what meaning had I given to my life? Do I still know? Even knowing that would be great. At least I would know my starting point. Then I do know what I want... Probably I am too scared to go down that path, lest I later realize this was not it. Probably not. Probably I am ready to take the plunge.

So what about the round peg? Well, haven't I been one always? I guess you just are misfit, no matter how hard you try not to be. Because some men have to be. Someone needs to change the status quo, isn't it?

2011-02-10T02:40:00.000+05:30

The greatest but the most irrational fear is the fear of the unknown, of the future. How ironic is it that we fear what isn't even there... But we still do.. We all do...

Lost and Found

2011-01-28T23:18:00.001+05:30

Sitting on a rock between the two streams, half way down the waterfall I had just climbed down, I paused to look up. Sun pouring through the leaves, rhythm of water hitting the rocks, occasional chirping of birds; all combined to give a sense of serenity not found in the humdrums of life. The feeling seemed so alien, I felt lost. I had not felt this way in a long time, probably in a different life. I felt united with nature, as if we could communicate at that moment; as if it were calling me to become one with it.

A sense of calm engrossed me, as if nothing but the moment mattered. There was no room for stress, headaches, jobs, and other details which tend to be our lives. I felt invigorated, almost enthralled. I hadn’t felt so energetic in years. Mind you, we had hiked twice the day before, and I hadn’t even jogged for over two years. I don’t know what possessed me; I started climbing the waterfall, opposite to the falling water. I just needed to know I could do it. One slip and I would have been at the bottom of the pit. But the risks didn’t matter. I needed to know I had life left in me; the sheer will that makes you do the impossible.

We might philosophize as much we want, and rationalize our actions and our life choices, but moments like these that make life worth living. I wish they weren’t so far and few in between…

2011-01-27T22:09:00.001+05:30

Life takes us through a lot - tough situations, challenges, defeats, and some sweet victories. Through it all, everything that happens to us adds something to us, teaches us something, changes us a little. We evolve, for better or for worse.
But real victory lies in not letting situations or events change our real self - our soul. If only it were as easy as it is to write about it. I guess, we have to be strong enough, and know ourselves intimately to finally emerge victorious.
I don't know if any of this will make any sense to anyone, but to me it means a lot...

Zindagi tere ghum ne humen, rishte naye samjhaye...

2011-01-17T20:10:00.001+05:30

Zindagi kya hai?

Shayad ye sawal hi galat hai. Iske alawa koi aur jawab sahi bhi nahi lagta...

Hansi? Khushi? Sukh? Dukh? Safalta? Nirasha? Ummed? Himmat? Rishte? Tanhayi? Akhir kya hai ye zindagi?

Kabhi samajh kyon nahi aati? Samajhna zaroori hai kya? Samajh ke hi kya haasil hoga?

Ghum ka lekin meri zindagi se ek alag sa rishta hai... Shayad pyar hai ise mujhse. Shayad mujhe bhi ho gaya ho. Kehte hain naa kisi ke saath bahut din reh lo to uski aadat pad jaati hai...

Lekin kuch bhi kaho, ghum humse agar kuch chura le jaata hai to shayad kuch samjha bhi jaata hai. Jaise khud se khud ka rishta...

Sawal phir bhi barkarar hai - "Kya hai ye zindagi..." Shayad is sawal ka jawab naa dhoondh ke zindagi jeena hi sahi jawab hai...

100 Things I want to do in Life...

2011-01-01T22:50:00.000+05:30

Sometime in my fourth year, I once read a blog or something, in which the author challenged us to write the 100 things you want to do in life, and then actually do it. His idea was that we hardly know what we want to do in life, and instead of doing things that matter to us, we just let life drift by. So challenged, I took out my diary and started writing. And Surprise!!! Surprise!!! I could not get beyond 41...
So I thought why not look at it again and see what all have I done, and what more do I want to do... So here's the original list. (Things too personal have been hid on purpose)

1. Change *****
2. Write @ ****
3. Marry M
4. Write some more....
5. Travel along the Himalayas
6. Learn to play the guitar
7. Learn to play the violin
8. Get in perfect health
9. Travel to Barcelona
10. Travel to Paris
11. Travel to Vienna
12. Hitchhike once
13. Learn to play Squash
14. Run a full marathon
15. Own a house in Sikkim
16. Own a Fiat Palio...
17. Own a Macbook
18. Read all of Philosophy
19. Become an excellent cook
20. Read the dictionary
21. Travel through India
22. Travel through Europe
23. Learn to write poetry
24. Learn Boxing
25. Learn Shooting
26. Travel through Rajasthan
27. Go on a cycling expedition
28. Go on a car expedition to Laddakh
29. Never Smoke again
30. Photograph the whole of Mumbai
31. Learn Photography
32. Photograph M
33. Own a Bose Music System
34. Buy a FM 10 and a D200
35. Learn Chess
36. Learn Urdu
37. Learn Fencing
38. Learn to write by left hand
39. Learn Caligraphy
40. Travel to North East
41. Travel to unknown places and write about it..

So here a few more:
42. Find a job that is fun to do…
43. Watch a match at Camp Nou
44. Watch a match at Anfield
45. Understand Western Classical Music
46. Learn Spanish
47. Shoot Delhi in Black and White.
48. Learn to use my FM10
49. Master Lumix
50. Buy D7000 or equivalent… and some great lenses
51. Learn Yoga…
52. Learn to Meditate
53. Learn to control my temper
54. Find Zen…

Can’t think of any more right now, so will keep on updating this whenever I feel like. Have done a few and I know I have tried as many as I could… but loads remain… And I can do better…

Somehow I feel I will… Most of it, if not all… At least the ones that matter.

The thing is, it's all in my own hands… Knowing that is the most empowering feeling… And the most compelling reason to do it…

2011-01-01T21:07:00.002+05:30

"Are you Crazy???"

"No. I, just, am in love..."

2010-12-27T20:15:00.001+05:30

If you are fighting the wrong battle, no matter how hard you try, you will always lose...

Humko Maloom hai Jannat ki Haqiqat lekin... Dil ke khush rakhne ko..

2010-12-09T22:59:00.001+05:30

Ballimaran ke mahalle ki wo pechida daleelon ki see galiyan
Saamne aal ke nuKkad pe bateron ke posheede
GuD-guDaati hui paan pi peekon mein wo daad wo wah-wah
Chand darwaaze par latke huye
Boshida se kuch taat ke parde
Ek bakri ke mamiyaane ki awaaz
Aur dhoondhlaayi huyi shaam ke be-noor andhere
Aise deewaron se mooh jod kar chalte hain yahan
Chudi-waala unke katri ke badi bee jaise
Apni boojhti hui aankhon se darwaaze tatole
Isee be-noor andheri see gali qaasim se
Eik tarteeb Chiragon kee Shuru hoti hai
Ek quran-e-sukhan ka safa khulta hai
Asad Allah Khan 'Ghalib' ka pata milta hai.

Pata le ke aaye hain aaj.. Us shayar ka jisne filhal humen deewana bana rakha hai apni shayari ka.. Jisne pechida se shabdon ke beech zindagi ka falsafa bayan kar diya.. Kuch tasweeren unke haweli ki..

P.S. Introduction by Gulzar.. transcribed from the opening lines from the TV series...

2010-11-15T23:07:00.001+05:30

To let something truly possess you, you have to let go everything that holds you.

Ek Khwaish to mukammal hui..

2010-11-15T14:43:00.002+05:30

Sham se rukh pe khushi si hai...
Hawaon mein unki aawaz goonji si hai...

Jagjit Singh Live in Concert. Memory of a lifetime...

Destination. Journey. Happiness. Life. Simplicity...

2010-08-16T10:51:00.002+05:30

Happiness is not a destination. It's a journey.

So is life... Milestones and whether we achieve them or not is not life... It's about how well you lived...

In that sense happiness and life are analogous. Some would say happiness is life... That life should be about happiness...

"We are what our thoughts make us." Simple but very profound words by Marcus Aurelius. Put in perspective, it simply means we are as happy as we want to be. That our life is the way we want it to be...

It's the beauty that lies in this simplicity we miss while trying too hard to find it everywhere but within ourselves...

Kuch uljhe se shabd, kuch bikhre se khayal...

2010-08-11T02:26:00.002+05:30

Jale hue pizza ki bheeni si khushbu... Wo dabi dabi si paaglon waali hansi... Humari hansi... Wo betuka sa photo...

Shayad yahi zindagi hai... Humari aur tumhari... Apni zindagi... Saalon sapne sanjone ke baad haasil hui zindagi...

Us din airport pe kiye the kuch waade... Bina ek shabd kahe... Maloom nahi tha yahan le aayenge humen...

Itne kareeb hain hum aaj... Jaane aur kitne kareeb aana hai... Yun hi haath thame jaane kidhar jaana hai...

Kaise ek doosre mein khud ko samaya hai... Kaise is pyar mein khud ko paya hai... Jaise ab jeena samajh aaya hai...

Windows Essentials

2010-06-30T22:47:00.003+05:30

One of the USP Apple claims for its Macs is that they work out of the box as against Windows where you have to pick and choose your applications. And there are millions of those out there. Finding the right fit for you is a matter of chance. I am very finicky about things and so finding the right software and tuning them to my precise need has become a matter of habit. Having worked on Windows for a good 6 years and having wasted a lot of my time finding the perfect software, I have arrived at my own set of applications which make my life easier and simpler. Recently I came across the list of essential software needed on Windows, and I thought it would be nice to share my gyan. I’ll try to be generic and cover as much base as I can, and stick to freeware as much as I can.

1. Antivirus: I prefer AVG Free. It protects against virus, spyware, has an email scanner, and also scans the sites you visit for threats. And it’s free. The virus definitions are updated pretty regularly, so if you make sure its update is turned on, it does the job pretty well, without being noticed, and without hogging resources. There might be other anti-virus software which do all this and more, but they are not free, and they are all resource intensive, slowing down your computer considerably.
a. Pros: Simple to set up and use. Easy on resources (which no other anti-virus is).
b. Cons: Needs firewall.
c. Alternatives: Plenty. None worth mentioning for the simple reason they aren’t so light on resources, and they slow down the computer considerably.

2. Firewall: Zone Alarm Pro. The best out there. Simple as that. Not only protects foreign intrusion, but also protects the OS from installed programs.

a. Pros: Just doesn’t fail.
b. Cons: In the initial days, it asks you a lot about which program to allow and which to block. But eventually learns its way through. Once in a while it might bug you for allowing which program to run or not, but it does its job pretty well, so I don’t think you would complain.
c. Alternatives: None I’ve tried, which seem comparable. Provides overall protection.

3. Browser and Mail: Here I will be a little biased, but then that’s what this article is about. I use Opera for both browsing and mail. I use 10.6 beta, and it is blitzing fast and every benchmark proves it’s the fastest out there, beating Chrome by a small margin. One of the advantages of Opera is it integrates all your internet needs into one small, elegant software. Browsing and mail apart, you can subscribe to RSS feeds, set up a web server, store all your bookmarks online and sync it with all your computers and mobile phones. It comes with inbuilt mouse gestures which is very simple intuitive to use. Once you are versed with the mouse gestures, and know some elementary key board shortcuts, you won’t need to look for the buttons etc, making it very easy and convenient to use.
a. Pros:
i. Browser: Very fast. Very easy to use. Secure. Inbuilt ad blocker and phishing support etc. Speed dial. Bookmark manager. Download manager.
ii. Mail: Very simple to use. Intuitive. Excellent use of labels. Fast. No frills.

b. Cons:
i. Browser: Some sites might not open properly. It is not Opera’s fault. It is the first browser to score a perfect 100 in the Acid3 tests, which means it is the most Web Standards complaint browser there. But many sites which are designed for Internet Explorer might not get rendered correctly.
ii. Mail: No calendar integration. Having an inbuilt calendar would make this software as complete as possible.
c. Alternatives:
i. Browser: Chrome because it’s fast. But has very few customizations. Firefox is there, but it’s become slow compared to Opera and Chrome.
ii. Mail: Thunderbird and Outlook. There are plenty, but these two are the most popular ones.

4. Music Player: J River Media Center wins it hands down for Windows. Better sound quality than most players I’ve tried. Library handling is very good. I have over 120 Gb of songs, and it has no problems managing them, and even the loading times are very fast. Very responsive. Customizable to a great detail. Can sync your iPod and other hand held devices. Ripping etc can be done in all formats. Plays almost all music formats. Can be used to watch movies as well, but there are better players for that. It is useful for watching DVDs because most other players become unresponsive, but this runs like a charm.

a. Pros: Easy to use. Customizable. Good sound quality. All in one media application
b. Cons: Sound not as good as that on a Mac, but the roots of that problem lies with Windows. Some players can claim to have better sound quality.
c. Alternatives: iTunes, foobar, Winamp etc.. None compare...

5. Video Player: Tossup between GOM and VLC. Both do everything, and mostly right. There shouldn’t be anything to complain about, and it’s about your choice. VLC has good display quality, I would say a shade better than GOM. But GOM has simple navigation control. VLC navigation controls are complicated at best.

6. Text Editor: Notepad++. Designed primarily for coding, but very useful even for general text editing. Not much fuss and fanfare but simple and elegant, so a must have.

7. Office Application: MS Office 2007 is the standard across the globe for this, and I would not fight this. It might have its niggling glitches, but it mostly works. Open Office and Lotus Symphony are options, but they are difficult to work and formatting is lost if using cross-platform. Better stick with the standard.

8. Launchy: Keystroke application launcher. If you prefer keyboards more than mouse, this is a must have. It indexes all your applications and learns which ones you use more. So most of your applications can be launched just by typing in a single or a couple of letters.

9. File Indexing: Copernic Desktop Search. It indexes all the files on your system and makes them instantly searchable. It even makes the words in the text documents and emails searchable. It is very useful for anyone who uses lots of pdfs, docs, etc because even if you don’t remember the filename or the file location, you can enter the keywords in the document and find it. Very neat. Very useful. Google desktop search is an alternative, but that uses a lot of disc space, and slows down the computer considerably. Copernic is very light, and uses very little hard drive space for indexing.

10. PDF Viewer: Foxit Phantom. Alternative to Adobe reader and acrobat. Light, low on resources, and most importantly uses tabs instead of windows, so doesn’t clutter your taskbar. It comes with browser integration plugin as well.

11. Chat Clients: I use only Gmail, and Gtalk is simple to use. Other chat clients that I use are Yahoo and Skype.

12. VOIP: Action VOIP. Cheap, and it comes with an application for Symbian phones. Since I have one, I can make a call through my phone using wifi. And its much cheaper than Skype.

13. Archiving: WinRar. Simple. No frills. All the un-archiving options added to the right click options, so very easy to use.

14. Dictionary: Word Web Pro. All you have to do is highlight the word, press control+alt+w and out pops the word meaning, with list of synonyms, antonyms, and anagrams. The dictionary database might not appeal to a linguist, but its comprehensive enough for personal use.

15. Document Backup on the net : Dropbox and dropbox folder sync. Install these, get an account on dropbox, and you can right click on any folder you want backed up and add to dropbox. Simple as that. And you get those files from the net on any computer you want. Pretty neat, and simple to use. And mighty useful, I might add. There are many documents you just cannot afford to lose, and this is the best way to back them up. You never know when a comp crash or a hdd crash can leave you stranded. And the implications. Be safe.

There are a few other applications which I use, but do not necessarily endorse. I’ll just list them –
• µtorrent and Vuze for torrent download
• Everest Ultimate edition to track your hardware

They have served me well, and I haven’t had many problems with my machine. It’s all about finding your right configuration. I’ve found mine, and just wanted to share my gyan...

2010-06-27T09:42:00.002+05:30

“If you think you understand something, you have not thought about it enough.”
- Richard P. Feynmann

This explains a lot...
And yes, this Man was a Genius. In every sense of the word...

Khud se baatein...

2010-06-25T23:17:00.001+05:30

Bahut din ho gaye phone pe kuch likha nahi. Blog pe bhi nahi. Shayad bahut dinon se kuch soocha hi nahi. Nayi job mein settle hone ki bhaga bhagi meinn reh gaye honge. Yahan Barista mein baithe bematlab ki baatein likhe jaa rahe hain. Shayad zaroori bhi tha, kaam dham, world cup, aur ghar bar ki 'humdrum' se door hona. Abhi ehsaas ho raha hai internet se kabhi kabhi door hona kitna zaroori hota hai. Information overkill mein shayad original thoughts kho jaate hain, ya hum bekar ki baaton mein itna ulajh jaate hain soochne ka mauka bhi nahi milta. Solitude, jis-se mera purana rishta tha, lagta hai rooth gaya hai mujse. Khata bhi shayad meri hi hai, main hi us-se chipta firta raha. Aaj barista ke ek soone se table pe, der raat, paya hai use. Man ab thoda shant lag raha hai. Ab jaane nahi denge tumhe, dost. Der raat baramde pe coffee peete, sooni raahon pe car chalate, bewaqt tehelte tehelte mil liya karenge tumse.

Pata nahi, likhne baithe to bahut kuch soocha tha, lagta hai sab kho gaya kahin purani yaadon mein. Haan, ye ki naya job to acha hai. Log bhi ache hain. Kaam bhi acha hai. Itna ki shyad bahut dinon baad zindagi se shikayat nahi. Haan, Minakshi abhi paas nahi, lekin pata hai kuch dinon ki baat hai. Lekin soochne ki baat ye hai ki kya yahi zindagi hai - ek acha job aur zaroorat ki cheezein? Shayad main sawal hi bahut karta hoon. Ya shayad sawal hi galat poochta hoon. Pata nahi...

Coffee khatam hone ko hai. Dukan band karne ki taiyariyan chal rahi hain. Abhi to 11 bhi nahi baje hain. In baaton mein Bombay bada acha tha... Der raat akele tehelte raho, befikar, apne khayalon mein. Car ho phir to raat apni hai... Dilli mein wo baat nahi. Gurgaon to mujhe soul-less lagta hai..

Soocha jaye to kabhi kabhi khud se ki baatein bhi yaadgar conversation ban jaati hain...

2010-05-28T18:29:00.004+05:30

Life's meant for better things. Better than having to worry about life itself. Worrying how your life will pan out or will you ever be where you so wanted to be all your life.

Sounds pessimistic, devoid of hope. But sometimes situation seems to overpower you. Make you feel small, helpless. You feel completely stripped of all your senses, thoughts. You feel vulnerable. Meaningless words hurt. You wish no one saw you, no one knew you. You wish you could run away from all this, but you know this is it. This is your life. More you wallow in your pain, tougher it gets. You wish someone pulled you out of this puddle, but no one does. No one can. And no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to get a grip of things.

I don't want to feel this ways. Ever again. Never want to have the sense of defeat, worthlessness. I know winning isn't all. You win some, you lose some. But feeling defeated, that's ugly.

But then, wanting and wishing ain't the way out either...

Complexities of Love...

2010-05-25T03:13:00.009+05:30

Come think of it, love is a very complicated emotion. Try asking yourself why you love someone and the answers don't seem very obvious. Or satisfactory. "Because he/she loves me" seems shallow when talking of love. It's not easy to explain love or even why you love someone. Love is difficult. Or seems so...

Hate on the other hand is very simple. It's simple to hate someone, and simple to explain why you hate them. "He did this to me. I want to **** him." It's straightforward. It's easy.

Loving is difficult. That's what makes it beautiful. It's everlasting. Not having a reason to love, no rational arguments, no explanations is what makes it magical. In that way, love can be very simple if you don't try to find a reason for it. But you need to let yourself love. You need to take a leap of faith and trust someone with yourself before you can love or let someone love you. Trusting someone else completely, believing they will not hurt you or break your heart, doesn't come naturally to us. It takes a lot of courage to do that. Probably, that's what makes it so difficult.

Hate might seem very intense at the time, but it fades away with time. True love doesn't. It can't. Once you've loved truly, it stays with you forever. It becomes a part of you forever...

2010-05-22T05:18:00.003+05:30

"It's not who we are, but what we do that defines us." Or for that matter, matters.

The original quote is from the movie Batman Begins. The Batman series by Chirstopher Nolan is one of the best studies on human nature and human behaviour. Every scene conveys a lot, but this one has stuck on.

One of those lines which change your perspective in a flash...

2010-05-15T17:33:00.003+05:30

I am flawed. I make mistakes. Sometimes inadvertently, sometimes knowingly.
I hurt people. I can be harsh. Sometimes unknowingly, sometimes deliberately.
I brood. I sulk. I prefer solitude. I push people away. Mostly because I can't stand them.
I do what I feel like. Even if I know it will lead to trouble. I am stubborn. Perhaps arrogant.

I want to fly. I know I might fall. I still want to. For the sake of it. To see where I can go.
I love extremes. I dwell in passions. Having something to die for makes you feel truly alive.
I am not nice. I am not good. I am just me. With my idiosyncrasys and my peccadillos.
I don't know how could have I been different. Or better. Perhaps I could. But this is who I am.
This is how I'll be...

The One..

2010-05-04T23:39:00.002+05:30

'The One' fought with me the last 2 days for the last line of my last post. And she is pretty good at it too. What? We are 'The One' for each other so we can't fight? Surprise surprise, everyone fights. It's the relationships in which people stand up and fight for it, even when everything looks lost are the ones meant to be. I know ours is. Forever.

Minakshi, you are my life. Those lines were written by a tired, half asleep guy pondering over his life at 4 in the morning. He didn't know half of what he wrote. And he is sorry. For the line, and for the fights.

You and I are meant to be One. Together. Forever. And so it shall be. Love you baby.

Lucky Me!!!

2010-05-02T04:02:00.005+05:30

Whether we accept it or not, luck plays a huge part in our life. My hypothesis is that religion was invented to ease humans to accept this reality of life. Faith in a higher power or "everything happens for the good" is nothing but a means of accepting that there are things in this world beyond our control, which we can do nothing about. There's so much randomness in this world, and so little in our control. We might not like to believe this, but we are helpless against most of the things that this world has to throw at us. We can be best prepared, we can fight to our fullest capabilities, but still lose. I guess humans inclined not to believe that little is under our control, maybe wired so, or else we wouldn't have even tried. I am not suggesting that we should give up saying "Whatever I do, it's all destiny." I don't mean that. What I am saying is that we should have the wisdom to understand the limitations of our influence and realize that the randomness of this world plays a major role in our lives. And I say be aware, because that would eliminate the need for looking for answers to questions which do not have an answer other than those invented by us in the form of God et al.

By the way, I digressed a lot from what I had intended to say in the first paragraph itself. Speaks volumes about my abilities as a writer. All I intended to say was that luck (or randomness; I prefer to use randomness but luck is easier to understand and associate with) plays a huge role in our lives. Meeting the right one, let alone "The One" is as much a matter of chance as can be. You might be married for 30 years and then meet someone who you know would have been the one. All you can feel is "What if I had met her earlier..." and you can do nothing about it. And trust me your partner can make or especially break your life.

What you do defines you. And how well you do it, how good you are at it, and how happy you are doing it determines the quality of life. You can work as hard as you can, but if you don't have the aptitude for it, you will never be great at it. You will always be struck in mediocrity and you will just resent yourself, or the choices you made that led you there. Putting it simply, everyone has 'that one thing' he is made for, be it being a cricketer or a teacher or just about anything. Something he knows he was born for, and doing it is the easiest thing in the world and yet you are good at it. You can look at Sachin or Zidane and know they were born to be a cricketer and a footballer. No matter how hard they tried, they could have never become a scientist. I guess the luckiest a man can get is finding that 'one thing', and finding it young, and having the opportunity to pursue it.

If you have found luck in these two things, rest assured you don't need anymore luck. Having it wouldn't hurt, though. If only I could get just as lucky with finding my thing as I did with finding my 'the one'...

No comments

2010-05-02T00:54:00.002+05:30

I have disabled comments on my blog, starting the previous one. I prefer it this ways. If the blog is worth a debate or a discussion, I am always available at pallavsingh@gmail.com

Some Dreams...

2010-05-02T00:48:00.003+05:30

I believe some dreams are bigger than the dreamer. The ones that can change the world. They belong to the world, to everyone. They should live on. The dreamer owes that to the dream....

2010-04-30T21:55:00.000+05:30

Zindagi tujhe samjha hai tujhe kho kar...

New Toy... :)

2010-02-24T00:05:00.003+05:30

I guess I hardly ever bothered to blog about objects, let alone my objects d'desire. But this one I am because, well, I am blogging using it. My new toy, Nokia E72.

Simply put, I felt it was the answer to all my gadget woes. Seems so, since here I am, sitting at the airport cafe sipping coffee, swooning to the tunes of Dire Straits, bragging to the world about this sleek toy in my hand.

One of the primary reasons I wanted this phone is because I can take it out anywhere and punch down my thoughts. Many a times I would get lost in my thoughts, feel the need to put it down, but would completely forget about it by the time I could lay my hands on a comp. I am able to put pieces this long down means I wasn't entirely misguided in my idea.

Now this post is about the phone so some critical analysis is justified. It is built like a tank; solid, sturdy feel to it, just the way I like it. Key board is easy to get used to, and soon I will start pushing for speed. Screen is good. Fast proc, so overall functioning is slick. Has a dedicated music chip and i found the sound to be better than my iPod classic. But the ear phones supplied are no good for me. Has active noise canceling, and I am pretty happy with the call quality. As for the cons, Symbian is intuitive, but the interface needs to be redesigned for speed. Camera is high res but slow response makes it one of the low points. But the most niggling thing is the Ovi suite - the syncing software. It is very counter intuitive, slow, and syncing music is a nightmare. But once I have gotten my music sorted, it should be okay. But Nokia needs to get that right to compete with Apple in the smart phone market. I hope they do, because this is beauty of a gadget.

Now I should stop drooling over it, or I will miss my flight...

Kuch rishte... kho jaate hain kahin....

2009-12-04T14:39:00.002+05:30

Kuch rishte thodi door chal murjha hi jaate hain... Unhe thame rehne ki koshish naakaam hi hoti hai, unme kabhi wo purani mehek nahi aa pati. Shayad har rishta ek "expiry date" ke sath aata hai, uske baad karwahat aa jaati hai usme. Pyar shayad bacha ho usme, lekin kaafi nahi hota. Rishon ka "postmortem" kar ke bhi kuch haasil nahi hoga..

Humen rishton ko apna raasta khud hi tai karne dena chahiye...

2009-11-26T23:18:00.003+05:30

If your only choice is between insanity and happiness, what do you choose and how?

2009-11-20T11:04:00.003+05:30

The problem with dreams is if you live with them for too long, they won't ever let go off you...

“Anything that does not kill you makes you stranger.”

2009-11-20T01:22:00.000+05:30

“Anything that does not kill you makes you stranger.”

These words resonated in his head long after the movie was over. He knew exactly what the Joker meant.

He wished it had never happened to him. No matter what happened around, he felt nothing, as if in a permanent sedated state. He could not feel even himself, his own pain.

And then there were these bouts of rage, this urge to just kill anyone who came in front of him. Not just kill, mutilate his body till every ounce of life was gone. He had no idea what made him such a cold hearted devil. Life had lost its sanctity to him. He could not associate with people anymore. When he looked at them he saw bland, empty faces; all of them caught in this web of pain and pleasure they called life. To him they seemed sub-human; this struggle for bare existence, selling yourself to make a living is not human. Such life can only disintegrate the soul. There is no salvation for these people, no way out of this rut. To him, the only way out was the end of life itself.

And he knew he would not feel an ounce of guilt if he killed any of them. He knew if it came to it, he could just batter a man to death, and walk off unscathed, without any sense of remorse. It wasn’t for fear, that he didn’t do it. He had meticulously erased that instinct. It just did not seem worthwhile.

This should have never happened. Seems like previous life, but he had once been a caring, loving guy. Yes, he had never hurt anyone, but he knew he could. Sometimes his own thoughts sent a chill down his spine. His own cold heartedness scared him. He knew a part of his soul had died, or maybe the whole of it. But he didn’t feel it.

This should not have happened. Looking back he just wished he had never realized he was never truly loved…

2009-11-18T18:04:00.010+05:30

I do have a blog; mostly dormant now, though. I don't know why I have not been able to put down a few words once in a while. I believe writing can be best assessed in terms of language and content. A great idea not conveyed well will hardly appeal to anyone. A well worded piece not conveying some meaning has little value. Evaluating any piece is a subjective choice, but I believe any good work ranks high on both.

Herein lays my problem. I cannot write unless I have something to say - my own thought, a better understanding of something, or just my views. Sometimes when I do get down to writing something, I feel language fails me or rightly put I fail language. Of the few that I do manage to finish, I get this lingering feeling that it’s not good enough, not yet complete. Seems I am stuck at in an unhappy, conflicted place, with no clue how to break free.

2009-11-17T02:20:00.001+05:30

Risthon ki umr ka ehsaas un-me aayi daraaron se hota hai...

Mac vs Windows

2009-10-16T22:22:00.000+05:30

Isn't that the most debated topic in the computing world, probably dating back to their first versions. I have a regular PC, totally formal, nothing even remotely cool about it's looks or any such thing. And a Mac has always been a thing of fancy. I've always been a geek when it comes to operating systems. When I got hold of my first comp, I tried as many OS's as I could. Windows was obviously there, but also tried so many flavours of linux – RedHat, Fedora, and even Gentoo. Those aware of the terms might understand what “even Gentoo” means. The whole operating system is compiled on your comp and it takes something between 2-3 days for the whole system to install.

Anyways, its all history now, stupidity of the past . But when Apple moved to intel processors, it was only time when people would make it possible for OSX to be installed on a PC. But I got to try it only a few days back. Spent roughly 5 days non stop trying to get a complete system running. It was loads of hard work, but now i have OSX up and running on my machine. Having used it for a few days, I don't know which one of Windows or OSX to make my primary OS. So here I am, posting a comparative analysis of the two OS's, and I'll try to be as objective as possible.

I am putting forward my biases both for and against for each OS. I have used Windows for around 5 years now, and I must say, I have tried most major applications and know my way around it. But then I have always perceived OSX to be ultra cool, probably because Steve Jobs says so. Having used windows and struggled with its frailties for so long, the idea of out-of-the box system which just works, seems great.

So, when I got my OSX system up and running, I couldn't hide my grin. The first look of the system seemed great. The dock etc... are arranged great, making the screen seem much bigger than on Windows. Tried iTunes, and the sound quality is much better than on Windows, I must say a 30 – 40 % improvement over Windows. By this, I mean the clarity and the crispness of MP3 songs on OSX is way better than on any music player on Windows. Then there are the advantages of a faster bootup, no need to worry about firewalls, anti-viruses etc. So far so good. Seemed as if the 5 days was turning out to be time well spent. I installed the elementary applications etc. and seemed all set to migrate to Mac.

But then the little glitches started coming to the fore. One of the most glaring problems is that iTunes and Quicktime players do not play most of the codecs like .ogg, .wma, or .flac. Major video codecs aren't supported. Only the primary ones and the ones designed by Apply are supported by default. And because of Apple's close control over their OS, there are only a couple of codec installers available. But the one I installed for .flac screwed up the normal playback of mp3 files and now one of the biggest allurements of OSX seems fading. Also, the library management of iTunes seems amateurish compared to J River Media Center on windows. And there are no alternatives to iTunes and Quicktime for OSX. It just makes you devoid of choice, and hence better, evolved products. It has been Apple's policy to closely control everything that is available for the Mac. Yes, it results in superb hardware software integration, the OS is really robust and stable. For the normal things that you need to do, it really makes the tasks seamless and easy. But, for an advanced user, it just seems very authoritarian, and just unacceptable. Another thing that really irritated me was OSX, though supports hibernate mode, you have to work through it on the konsole. There is no support in the user interface, making it impossible to use. The sleep is supported better than any other OS, but no hibernate makes it a bad machine. Hibernate allows me to save everything on my HDD, and start off just where I left, while saving battery. On a Mac, you can put it only to sleep, and when the battery runs out, it hibernates. Geniuses at Apple, how difficult is it to see that I could just want to wake up from hibernate after a day, and still have my battery running? This seems as if Apple wants to tell us how to use our comps. Sorry, but doesn't work for me. I want to use my comp, the way I want to, no compromises.

So, as of now, I am back to windows. Mac has few small glitches, which they can sort out in one simple update. They aren't doing it which just makes it a little difficult for many to migrate to a Mac. Solve these couple of issues, and take my word, there isn't a better system around. Hope Steve Jobs listens and makes my decision to migrate to a Mac much more easier.

Tum Bin...

2009-07-29T23:25:00.000+05:30

Nazar ghuma ke dekha to har taraf 'couples' nazar aa rahe the. Door se dekho to kitne khush maloom ho rahe the saare. In sab mein lazmi tha ki tumhari yaad aayi. Ek kasak si hui tumhe paas paane ki. Ek tees si uthi seene mein ki hum to jab saath hote hain to saare jahan ki khushi bas humare beech hoti hai. Doston ke beech bhi rahoon to akela sa lagta hai. Kahan 'complete' hain hum ek doosre ke bina. In sab mein tum saath nahi hote to dil udaas sa ho uth-ta hai.

Jaane kab se isi aas mein baithe hain ki ab milenge to tab milenge. Khali sa lagta hai mann, veeran si zindagi. Lagta hai jaise khushi humse rooth kahin door jaa baithi hai. Ab shayad tum hi le ke aao use apne saath. Yaad aate hain wo hanste -khilkhilate lamhe jo hum-ne saath guzare the. Jab bewajah hi ek doosre ko chidhaya - gudgudaya tha. Jab ek-doosre ko dekh bin-wajah muskuraya tha. Inhi lamhom mein to shayad tumhe zindagi banaya tha.

Tum kehte ho intezar to karna padega. Kaise karen, ye bhi to bata do tum. Tum bin zindagi badi sooni hai re. Tum aao to rang bhare zindagi mein...

Zindagi, teri talaash abhi baaki hai..

2009-07-17T20:47:00.000+05:30

Kabhi soochun to lagta hai zindagi abhi baaki hai. Kabhi lagta hai jaane kya kya gawanya hai maine. Peeche mud ke dekhoon to lagta hai har mod pe galtiyan ki hain maine. Aaine ko dekhoon to dil kehta hai zindagi gawa di tune. Jaane kya kar sakta tha, jaane kahan ho sakta tha... Kyon kiya khud ka ye haal? Peeche dekhoon to khud pe gussa aata hai. Aage dekhoon to dil ghabraata hai jaane kya hoga? Phir se wahi galtiyan to nahi doharunga? Kabhi aage chal mud ke dekhoon to pachtaunga to nahi?

Kabhi lagta hai khud se jyada to nahi 'expect' kar liya tha, kuch jyada hi sapne to nahi dekh liye the? Lagta tha sapne hi zindagi ki raah ka pehla kadam hote hain. Aaj lagta hai jaane kitne sapne peeche choot gaye, jaane kitne yun hi bhula diye. Jaane kitni raahen chod main aaj is mod pe khada hoon.

Phir kabhi lagta hai, zindagi to chalti rehti hai, kabhi tham-ti ruk-ti nahi. Wo to shayad hum hi nirash ho uth-te hain zindagi se. Andar ka bachcha kehta hai zindagi kabhi humse naaraz nahi ho sakti. Sapne kahin khoye nahi honge, wo to bas ek kone mein dubke intezar kar rahe honge humara. Zaroorat hai agar kuch to shayad khud ko pehchan-ne ki. Sapne to man dher saare dekhta hai, dekhta rahega. Chahiye humen ki un sapnon ko talaashein jo sach mein dil ke kareeb hon, jo dil ko khushi dete hon. Inhi sapnon ko anjaam dena shayad zindagi ho. Inhi raahon mein shayad zindagi kahin mil jayegi humen. Zindagi, teri talaash abhi baaki hai...

Of absoluteness of love..

2009-07-07T21:28:00.002+05:30

Come think of it, our life has been reduced to so much petty competition. All that matters is better grades, better degrees, better jobs, better home, better car, and a hot spouse. Somehow along the lines of evolution and the so called 'survival of the fittest', we as humans have ingrained competitiveness amongst ourselves. We have learnt to measure our lives relative to those others around us. In its defense, it has worked more or less just fine till now.

But the sad part is that we have become so accustomed to measuring our lives against others that we derive pleasure only by satisfying our notion of being or having better. What we so effortlessly forget is that in true terms happiness isn't relative, neither is life. Yes, competition brings out the best amongst us but it should stop there - improving ourselves. True happiness can be found only by being at peace with oneself, in confluence with our instincts and emotions, being true to our natural self. And trust me, pleasure isn't even a distant relative of true happiness or joy.

What's more saddening is that we have allowed this to pervade even our most basic of emotions - love. The most common 'underlying' reason for break-ups is "I can get better." Is this how shallow we have become? Sometimes I feel like the "good old, all conquering" unconditional love is all but lost, left for a few to keep the concept alive. I for one, know just one love. For me there aren't different ways of loving. Love is just love - you can't lay limits or boundaries or conditions on it. Love need not just be the girl/boy in your life, it's also about what you love to do, what quenches your passions, what makes your heart skip a beat.

How then can you rationalize your love, loving only when there might be appropriate payback or loving the so called 'best you could get'? In doing so, isn't the beauty of love and life itself is lost somewhere? I know, I know, this will once again be one of my self righteous, purist, idealistic rants, but I know no other way. It's a small life we've got. I intend to live it to the extreme, living and loving each one and each moment the most I can, surrounded by things and people that I love. Completely...

The Unreasonable Man...

2009-07-02T12:09:00.001+05:30

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

G.B. Shaw

Free is all I had wanted to be…

2009-05-30T23:38:00.001+05:30

I knew I had to leave you. I knew I had to go. I would not let myself love someone too deeply. I could not let someone love me too deeply. It would have tied me down. It would have made me weak. All I had ever wanted was to be free.

Freedom to me meant being what I was, just myself, absolved of all pretensions. It meant doing things just for me, for my happiness. For me, it was the ultimate state of being. I could not bear to be caught up in the web of emotional attachment. Pain and suffering are inevitable if there is attachment. And free I thought I became, when I walked away from you.

I found freedom. I did everything I wanted to do. But still something felt amiss. Something felt incomplete. Something was wrong. This wasn’t I had hoped it would be. Freedom was supposed to liberate me from the shackles of pain, loss, and every such emotion. I realized I was free but I was not happy. I remembered how you used to make my happy. How smile would never leave our face, how we would laugh our hearts out at silliest of things.

I knew I had gotten it all wrong. True happiness is the greatest form of freedom that there is. You live in the moment, just for the sake of your happiness. Nothing matters but the moment. There's you, there is this moment, and you are happy. You are free from everything else in the world; everything. There is no pretension. You are yourself, in your truest, most honest form. And I had it all – you, your love and unbound happiness. I had found freedom and I let it go. And now when I think, I can’t even be free from this sense of loss. I lost what I had set out to attain when I lost you.

Lovey Dovey Me :D

2008-12-26T10:27:00.001+05:30

They say one moment can change your life. Well, one such moment actually did change mine. And how…

That one moment, I looked in her eyes and my life changed forever. Yes, you got it right. I fell in love. And life hasn’t been the same. Life hasn’t been better. Smiles couldn’t have been broader, nor laughter any louder. I couldn’t have been any happier.

Love is wonderful, beautiful. Every moment seems magical. All I remember is the fond memories of us, every moment I feel love around, and I cannot help but dream of the future. Be it silly little things to the most intricate details of our life ahead. The first time we held hands flashes by and I cannot stop smiling. The first kiss seems so grand I know I will not have a better moment in life. Remembering the times spent laughing like mad I cannot stop wishing I could tickle her once and hear her ringing laughter once again.

But it’s not just the dreams or the laughter. There is this sense of companionship, togetherness, of belonging together. She completes me in every sense. With her, it feels as if this is where I belong. And I keep hoping time would stop and I would be with her forever. Such is the beauty of every moment with her. And I cannot stop thanking God enough for her.

The surprising part is how I surprise myself in love. Loner to the core, I never imagined myself blabbering the whole night and yet not wanting to stop. I never foresaw myself caring so much for someone. For someone who kept just to himself no matter what the circumstances, now I cannot do a moment without her. Sounds too mushy, I know, but hey what’s wrong in being romantic. I never knew I could be romantic. She says she always knew I had the romantic streak in me. Seems she knows me better than I know myself.

Talking of knowing yourself, I have found myself in her. Not just the romance, but life in general. I have begun to understand myself better. You experience emotions which you never knew existed. Like wanting someone so bad, missing someone so much. Like wanting to win the world over just for her. Like wanting to make her mine. Forever…

And there is this new found love for life, the desire to dream again. Wake up every morning with a smile. The days are brighter and the night more peaceful. Don’t know much, but if there is such a thing as love, it has to be this…

I Quit…

2008-10-02T11:44:00.000+05:30

Not the best of words to say. But talk about cigarettes, and they probably are the sweetest words to hear. Yes, once I was a chain smoker. Nothing less than ten would do. A pack was nothing outrageous. Yet I quit. And I tell you, it isn’t an easy thing to do. Well, of all those who try, roughly 3% are able to. Or so say the statistics. C’mon a pat on my back won’t do you much harm. C’mon…

Anyways, I never liked myself smoking. Rather hated myself for it. I knew very well about all the ills of smoking. Don’t know why I still smoked. Maybe it had to do with my negative state then, maybe the addictive powers of nicotine (it is the most addictive substance known to man). I must have tried to quit smoking at least once every month of the one year I smoked. But I always succumbed to my urge and need for that one puff. Mind always cheated me saying “just one puff, your body just can’t take it anymore without it. Promise this will be just one.” That would be the beginning of the defeat. Tried many things to help me quit. Read extensively over the net to find out ways. Looked all over my city for nicotine gums or patches and found none.

Every time I tried to quit smoking, I now realize, I did not have sufficient will to do it. Or maybe I was too sad and depressed about life to bother if I lived or not. But I got lucky. Found someone who loved me despite my obvious flaws. And thank god for that… One lucky chap I am… She didn’t say much, just that “Your quitting smoking would be the best gift you could ever give me.” Love her too much to not do it for her.

Despite that, it wasn’t easy to quit smoking. It never is, not even for the occasional smoker. Bloody thing, enslaves you to its high. The worst part is that it after a time, it doesn’t even give you a high. You need a puff to even feel normal. Hence the “that bad” an urge to smoke. Over the one year period that I did smoke, I had mastered ‘trying to quit smoking’. Read and found out everything that you can about cigarette and nicotine. There are some pretty scary facts about them. But they command a separate post and also I don’t want to scare people. But all of it means just one thing – if you smoke, try and quit now. Some say gradually reducing the number of cigarettes per day works, some say stopping altogether works better. You got to try which one works best for you. Reducing did not work for me. One fine day I got up and decided that no matter what, I won’t have a puff again in life. I have kept that promise to myself till now. And I know I will – always.

I had loads of problems. After a couple of hours of getting up, my head started hurting like hell, felt like it would burst open. But I knew things would get only worse from here on for a couple of days. Okay, nicotine and carbon monoxide become a part of the system of a smoker. The body needs it. But the best thing is that the body eliminates them in 48 hours after the last smoke. I knew I had to resist the first two days, it was the body against the mind and I could not let the mind lose. I tried many tricks – coffee, chocolates etc... Even called her up on stupid pretexts and just kept talking. Somehow I did manage to scrape through the two days. The battle now on would be psychological - resisting the urge to smoke. It was a test of my will now on. I could not afford to go weak and lose out to the deceiving mind even for a second. I don’t know what saw me through, but this one time I can happily claim “I won. I quit…”

Di...

2008-06-13T17:33:00.000+05:30

“WATCHOUT…” And the scream trailed off…

Rishab stopped and turned back. A Honda City was hit by a truck and the car had turned over and landed on the footpath barely a foot away from him. The glasses were shattered and splattered with blood. He could sense that someone might be dying inside. He could see people shouting for help and running towards the battered car. Everything seemed in slow motion to him.

His mind could not process anything. It did not even occur to him that fate had spared him a certain casualty. He just turned and walked away. He could not sense that he might be of some help and that he should rescue those trapped in the ill fated car. Nothing… absolute blankness was all he could feel. Once he walked away, he did not even turn back to see what had happened of those inside.

Back home, he put his bag down and lied on the couch. No matter how hard he tried he could not figure out what had just happened. How had he escaped? Most importantly why had he been spared by destiny? One thing that kept bothering him was “Why did he not feel anything? How could he just walk away as if nothing had happened? He was not insensitive last time he had checked. What had been going on in his life?”

Try as he may, he could not find any answers to these questions. Numbness was all he could feel. Almost serene. The look on his face suggested that he might be sedated. He kept fiddling with his phone trying to put his mind away from what had just happened. All of a sudden he could hear soft Hellos. He looked at the screen and to his amaze he had unknowingly called up Di. He had to talk.

“Hello Di… How are you?”

“Hey Rishab. Kaisa hai tu? I am good.”

“Oh, I am great.”

His voice suggesting otherwise.

“What happened Bhai? You seem really disturbed… Kuch gadbad hai kya?”

“Oh nothing Di. Just a little tired. Just back from college. Lying down actually. Aap batao… How are things going on your side??”

“I am doing great. The new job is almost perfect. Just the job I had always wanted. Amit says we should get married though I am in no hurry. Waise, tu topic mat badal. You are sounding disturbed. Jaldi bata what happened? Spent all your money? Studies mein problem hai? Ya tera purana Girl problem?”

“What Di. Aap bhi naa. There are no girls in my life. And as far as I know, I don’t want one. ”

“Haha… okay okay. Don’t worry Bhai, we will find you a cute girl. I am there, naa...”

“Di…”

His voice almost trailed off.

“Di, I saw a car crash just in front of me. I was barely a foot away.”

“Oh my God! Rishab, beta, tu theek to hai naa… Did anything happen to you? ”

“Naa.. I am fine. Not even a scratch.”

“Thank God...”

He could hear Di’s breath cooling off, in huge relief.

“Rishab, was anyone hurt?”

“I don’t know Di.”

“What? You were a foot away and you don’t know. Didn’t you call the ambulance or the police?”

“I don’t know what had happened then. I just turned and left. Could not even turn and look back. Not that I was scared. I don’t know what happened then. I just left. Could not hear any voices, could not interpret anything. Kuch samajh hi nahi aaya… Abhi bhi nahi aa raha hai… I don’t know what’s happening to me. I didn’t even call you. I heard your voice on the phone to realize I had called you up. ”

“Mom would have thought you are doing drugs. I know that you aren’t, Rishab. Waise, are you? Okay, okay, tell me how are you feeling right now?”

“What Di? Mom dad to yeh sab bolte hi hain. Ab aap bhi…”

“Naa bhai, I know you don’t. I was joking just to cheer you up…”

“Di… Main aisa nahi tha… You know I haven’t even felt that I was lucky to escape unhurt. I could have very well just died on the spot. Yet I feel no sense of gratitude. Di, I really cared for people. I wasn’t insensitive, I never was. I could not see even a drop of blood and today I saw blood splashed all around. Didn’t even flinch. Didn’t shiver. Just walked away. What has gotten into me? What has happened to me? I just can’t understand…”

“Nothing’s happened to you Bhai. Come on. I knew you as this super cool guy. You are just a little disturbed. Tell me what all has been going on in your life.”

“Just the regular. And yeah I am still cool…”

His voice clearly suggested disquiet though he tried hard to conceal it with a pretentious tranquility. He knew Di had understood. He just wished she would not push him to say any more. He wanted to talk and share but he just didn’t know what to say. He himself could not understand what was going on.

“Rishab, you look disturbed. I am not feeling good about this. Listen, go take a shower. It will help you cool off and put you at ease. And for God’s sake don’t try gulping down Dad’s scotch. Go, go, I will call you up in exactly fifteen minutes. ”

Rishab was too preoccupied to resist.

“Theek hai. Call me up…””

He knew he needed her. He knew he needed a shower. He just stood in there and hoped the flowing water could carry off his worries. It did not…

“Did you take the shower? Feeling Better?”

“Haan…”

“Good… Chal bata, what all has been going on in your mind off late…”

“I don’t know. Nothing in particular.”

“Di… sometimes I feel I could have been so much different. Life could have been so much better…”

“Why what has gone wrong?”

“Nothing. Just that nothing has gone as I had wished. And now I don’t even know what I had wished for…”

“College is almost over. And I have no idea what I want out of life. You always were so sure about what you wanted in life. Me, I wanted to explore everything, hoping to find what my true passion was. Something that could inspire me. Something which would make me feel restless. Something which would light a fire inside and make me feel alive… Something which I could call my ‘life’s calling’. Haven’t found anything like that. I have landed a stupid job, which I don’t know if I will enjoy. Years have passed by and I still don’t have a single answer to any of the questions I had set out to decipher. Tum hi batao main kya karoon…”

“Hmmm… is there anything else?”

“You know, whenever I think about all this, which is almost always, I feel that I am worthless. I have achieved nothing in my life. Sometimes I feel that I have been drifting along with time. That I have just existed. I don’t know what have I existed for. What am I? What is my purpose on earth? What should I live my life for? Whom should I live my life for? I have absolutely no idea and more I think, more lost I get in my own agony.”

“Kitna soochta hai tu. Itna bhi koi pareshan hua hai bhala… Relax. Go out for the evening. Go get yourself a good book and a nice CD. Right now put your mind off all this. Your life is just fine dear. And you will do great in whatever you decide to do.”

“Hmm….”

“Bhai, you are just lonely. Get in touch with your old friends… Call up Anjali. You might just be missing her. Or why don’t you take a weekend off and come here. We will catch up and a new city will do you a world of good. There are quite a few cute girls here. ”

“Mujhe pata tha tum nahi samjhoge… Rehne do. I will be fine… and don’t bring up Anjali ever again. It’s over and I don’t want that ever brought up again. Galti ki maine tumhe kuch bhi bata ke.”

“Don’t get angry, Rishab. I was only trying to help. And what makes you think I don’t understand, dear. It’s just that the state that you are in right now, nothing I say would appeal to you. You DO need to get your mind off all this before you will be able to accept anything new. There is no point in living in your agony.”

“Yeah, fine. I’ll go get some music. And I can’t afford the tickets. You know I can’t save money. Never have, maybe never will… ”

“Uff… there is just too much negativity in you right now. There is no way this will help you.”

“Yeah, fine. I’ll call you some time later.”

Silence before the good-byes were uttered.

“Okay… Do what you want but don’t get disturbed.”

“Hmm… Bye Di… Miss you at times, you know.”

“Rishab… You know I love you… ”

“Ahh… you were the one I was closest to. Why did you have to move to Delhi? You know, whenever I feel lonely, I miss you. Just you… ”

“Arre to call kar liya kar naa… Ab work takes you different places. Koi baat nahi bhai, I’ll plan a trip soon. Can you manage a short holiday? I’ll send over the tickets… ”

“It’s okay Di. I will be fine…”

“Yes, you will be. Arre, what fine… my little bro has to be great.”

“Haha… yes, yes… I will be great. Sometimes it feels so nice just talking to you…”

“Life is big, Rishab. You need to know that you are just beginning your life. Abhi kitni zindagi dekhi hi hai tune, yaar…”

“Oh stop treating me like a kid…”

“Haha… Always have. Always will…”

“Uff…”

“Anyways… you have just begun a beautiful journey. And most importantly you need to know that you have to enjoy this journey. Unless you remain happy you won’t be able to live life to the fullest… Isn’t that what you have always wanted to do? Live life to the fullest? Extract the most out of every moment here? ”

“Yes Ma’am…”

“You want answers to life, your motive, your passion. You need to know that most people don’t even bother to look for any answers. They just drift along with life where ever it takes them. When you are looking for the answer to the Meaning of Life, you need to keep your faith. You need to believe that someday you will find them. If you lose hope, you will become sad. Aur sad hoke kuch bhi nahi milta budhdhu… And don’t you know girls drool over your smile…”

“Stop teasing me…”

“Okay, okay.Rishab, you have miles to go. There lies a beautiful, extra-ordinary life ahead of you. You are sad only because certain things might have gone against your wishes. Happens in life. You are strong. You will take them in your stride and keep moving… And keep smiling, bhai…”

“And about looking for answers, most of the questions are related to just the path that you have to take in life. So find out the ones that you can take right now, but keep looking. Keep your faith… And what looking, go ahead and create your own path. You know you can do it. And I am sure you will do it.”

“Thanks Di… I am so lucky to have you…”

“Budhdhu...”

“Am feeling so much better now… Thanks for listening me out… ”

“Oh my God! In all my stupidities I totally forgot about the accident. I will go and find out what happened of those inside the car. I just hope that they are fine.”

“Yes, I hope they are fine. Go find them out and help them as much as you can. And don’t feel guilty about it. You just were disturbed.”

“Yup, yup, yup… Miss you Di…”

“Chal, will call you at night. And hey, I love you…”

Life after Zidane...

2008-06-12T15:11:00.000+05:30

Euro 2008 has begun and I, for the sake of loyalty, was still supporting France. How could I forget the beauty that Zidane and Co. brought to football? Zidane has retired but the memories are still fresh – of that clever pass, that deft control, that gorgeous step over, that out-of-this world turns around… Everything would be etched in a football lover’s memory forever. So France it was for me in the latest edition of the Euro.

But one game is all that has taken for me to totally give up on France. They started as tournaments second favorites but now I would not give them even an outside chance. I haven’t seen such a lack luster performance from a reputed national team in a while. They looked out of sorts while attacking. Defense has been solid for long. Gallas and Thuram are legendary central defenders. Sagnol and Abidal mark the wings and well. But they alone cannot take all the credit for their fabulous defensive record. France must be the only team in the world to play with two holding mid-fielders. And both Makelele and Viera are the top two holding mids in the world. It is but obvious they don’t concede goals easily.

But it’s the scored goals that win matches and France have looked completely incapable of scoring. Yes, they do have big names even upfront – Theiry Henry, Ribery, Malouda and the budding stars – Benzema and Nasri. Both the youngsters have been likened to the great Zidane but they will take time if and when they get there. Anyways, the French could attack only from the wings – Ribery on the right and Malouda on the left, with Anelka and Benzema in the center. But to no effect – either the attack was cut down or the crosses comfortably parried away. Surprisingly though, I did not witness a single good move down the center. There was no one to distribute the ball around the park – a playmaker who could create and impose their game; something Zidane had been doing for more than a decade now. It was as if a void has been left by Zidane which French have not been able to fill. French football looks empty and inelegant without him. It might very well take ages to fill up his illustrious shoes.

Thiery Henry had once remarked when asked about Zidane – “There is a God and he plays for France.” Alas! No more…

Four Years Later...

2008-05-28T23:29:00.000+05:30

The UPA government just completed Four years in office. And apparently they are celebrating. For what - managing to stick to the elusive chair for this long without any major hiccups? As in they managed without any major threats of the government dismantling. Well, if that is what they are celebrating then they must applaud themselves.

Four years is a long time to be in government and do nothing at all. Yes, there will be reviews and opinions. Each review and opinion will be different. And I, in my own right, have an opinion for this government doesn’t urge me into a detailed review. I guess the last statement already set the tone of this post.

Once I was excited about this government. That was when it hadn’t yet been formed. I still remember the elections of 2004. The elections results were just out and the BJP, despite their India Shining campaign, a farce, were comprehensibly beaten with no chance of returning to power. The mandate was not clear though. I had hated the Religious politics played by the BJP and was well and truly sick of it. Talk in the air was that the Congress might be able to form the government with help of others. And hard core Indians detested the idea of an Italian widow being the premier of our nation. Sitting in Gaurav’s home, I remember him getting pretty angry at such a prospect. So was I, for it hurt the Indian pride in me and Gaurav and every one like us. But out of the blue, for no reason at all, maybe another of my intuitions, I blurted out “Wait and watch, Manmohan Singh will be the next PM”.

And the lady from Italy, after her sanctification, duly obliged. A complete outsider with no experience of popular politics, though a masterful economist, Dr. Manmohan Singh was bestowed with the responsibility of leading the country into the future. For me it was kind of a personal victory. For no reason at all, I had thrust my dreams and hopes of a better India in the able hands of Dr. Singh. I felt, India, after nearly 60 years of Independence had finally landed a worthy and capable leader. No one can doubt the brilliance of Dr. Singh. He single handedly brought back the country from the brinks of an almost-certain economic collapse and his policies helped propel us into a bright future. For that the nation owes him a great deal. An intellectual, a liberalist, a reformist and a visionary is what India needed in her leader.

But India needed a Leader. And there is more to a leader than just intellect. The prerequisite will always be that he be a visionary and dreamer, someone who can see the future. But one needs to be bold and courageous to chase his dreams, make his visions a reality and shape a better future. He needs to put his fears to rest and act, in the direction he sees as the most viable. Pick up a team which shares his ideas, can bring new ideas to the table and finally implement them. He needs to shrug off the trivialities and petty oppositions and move on beyond those. Most importantly he needs to “do things” and the hallmark of a truly great leader is that he does things right. In India, even “doing” would be extra-ordinary.

Dr. Singh started with showing us huge dreams. He promised a lot, even inspired confidence. The least that was expected of the PM was economic reforms, keeping in mind his glorious record as the Finance minister during the Rao term. India might be growing, but a considerable portion of the Indian Population still lives under the poverty line. And the guidelines for the poverty line would take you by surprise – if you can buy yourself food worth some 2200 calories per day, you are above the dubious line. Economy might be growing but many sectors needed great care. Manufacturing isn’t growing at the same rate as the economy; one of the indicators of sustainable growth. Infrastructure, power and education need huge reforms. Roads and power draw more investment and propel growth. These have to precede economic growth, not the contrary. The state of public education and healthcare systems is in total disorderliness. And much more. We can go on and on about these but one needs to stop and give the man a chance.

A chance he was given and what a chance. To be the Prime Minister of the largest democracy of the world at a time when it was one of the fastest growing economies of the world. An economist could not have dreamt of a better opportunity. But the opportunity did come with too many clauses, which ended up tying him up and constraining him. He was the PM but every decision had to be approved by the party high command. He was leading a coalition government with more than a dozen regional parties, each one with their own agenda. But the pain in the butt proved to be the Leftist parties. Left has never been in a government (they still aren’t yet posses the power to govern the government) and all they know is to oppose any and every thing. And 60 years is a long time to perfect the art.

Somehow the whole event gave me hope, hope of a better future. Even though my intuition came true, I had missed the finer details. I have no idea what freedom he had in choosing his team. Was he the one who made the choice or was the bunch of crap thrust upon him? Whatever it was, he blundered with his team.

Arjun Singh as the HRD minister; who has spent all his time chasing the Reservations for OBC’s in centrally funded institutes. Even if the Bill gets implemented it will affect not more than a thousand people in a nation of over a billion. The only other notable contribution from the honourable minister has been statements in the media about the fees hike of the IIM’s and surprise, surprise how Rahul Gandhi should be our next PM. These endeavors when the most basic needs of the country are primary education. Ramados as the Health Minister; who implement a bill in the Parliament to get of the AIIMS director because of a personal feud. Such is the team chosen by the great man. The list can go on. Who knows, one might even write a book about the misdemeanors of the bunch of talented old men. But I am not totally jobless.

I know that even if the PM tried things on his part, many of his ideas and schemes have been shot down either by the Party High Command or any of the coalition partners or most famously by the Left. The most recent example is that of the 1-2-3 Nuclear Deal. It was one golden chance to be recognized as a Nuclear Power. It would enable India to import Nuclear Technology as well as fuel for the existing Nuclear Power Plants, which by the way are running short of fuel. This being the election year, the Finance Minister has passed pardoned loans to small and medium farmers, which makes no economic sense in the near or distant future.

All of this gives me the impression that the government has been pretending to DO than the actual DOING. Farmers need electricity and fertilizers and most importantly economic viability. They need a stable market where they can sell their produce. They need safeguards against natural calamities which will ensure that they aren’t wiped out by one act of nature. Though the later is tough, the rest are pretty much doable. Reservations seem the most ludicrous of the lot – holding the nation at ransom for a few petty election points where there are villages with no schools or those lucky ones to have a school building but with no teachers. The Health Minister, it seems, did not even try to pretend.

Kinder critics might pardon Dr. Singh for here was a tied up man with the responsibility to run the government for its term. Too many constraints, too many people to keep happy. Somewhere in the way he might have lost his script. I ain’t that nice. For he erred and erred big time. He tried to comply with every ones wishes and keep everyone happy. He seemed to have forgotten that he was the PM and let himself be governed by petty people. He failed to provide India a suitable leadership. He failed the post that he held. Sadly though, he failed himself

Thank You, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

2008-05-22T22:12:00.000+05:30

Today, 22nd of May, happens to be 149th Birth Anniversary of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle - the master creator of the most famous fictional character - Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes has had the single greatest influence on me - got me inspired me into reading, thinking on obscure lines, connecting the dots. Most importantly, he taught me the art/science of deduction. Each one of the stories got my mind racing, wanting to read as fast as possible, try and put the pieces together and decipher the story before the ending has been described. Me being me, could not always decipher the end - sometimes getting it wrong, sometimes inconclusive and sometimes even the right answers. Or maybe just plain lucky. The man after all, through a series of 4 novels and 56 short stories, had never been beaten. Not for nothing is he the most famous fictional character of all times and 221 Baker Street once was the most famous address in the world (it is a fictional address). I was so fascinated by the man once that I got myself a violin, just to impersonate him.

The creator of such a wonderful series and an impossible character has to be great man himself. No amount of praises can be suffice for the pleasure and the rush of pulse that we experienced through each and every of your works.

Thank You. Thank You so very much. Thank You Sir, for changing my life...

The Beautiful Game : Barca... :)

2008-05-10T23:22:00.000+05:30

FC Barcelona or, Barca as they are known, have always been associated with the beautiful game. Win or lose, they stick to their game. And when the whole game falls into place, they are a delight to watch. And watching them win the beautiful way is joy. Such is the magic in their play. Hold the ball, create space, pin point defense splitting pass, beautiful football. Add to that the galaxy of stars – Messi, Ronaldinho, Henry, Eto’o, Deco, Iniesta, Xavi, Toure and many more. Awe Inspiring...

Barcelona can claim to have the best possible attacking players in the world right now. Their front six can walk into any team in the world right now. Messi, Henry, Eto’o, Ronnie are the front four. They actually have to compete for their positions. Any other team and each one would be the leading striker. Of the four, only Messi has his position secured – he is fit, he starts. The rest have to actually battle it out. No other team in the world can afford to bench any one of them. Not even Real Madrid in their prime with Zidane et al. . Midfield is again filled with amazing players – Deco, Iniesta, Xavi and Toure. Only three have to be picked and again only Toure is safe – only because he is the only holding mid of them. Imagine Deco being benched. Such is the talent and brilliance in the team.

Nonetheless, anyone would agree that Barca have a poor defense. Abidal is brilliant as left back and so is Milito as the centre back. Even Milito can split the defense with his long through balls or crosses. Puyol and Marquez are okay. And right back is a serious trouble for them – Zambrotta despite being Italian isn’t great. Not bad a line-up but they somehow they aren’t the best defensive team in the world. But their weakest link would be the goalkeeper – the Dude in the team, as we call him. Valdez as he is known is one stupid fellow with panache for making glorious mistakes at the wrong times. Spill the ball into his own net, clearing the ball to the opposition, giving away cheap corners but mostly he lets in goals which ordinary keepers would save any given day. Yet he stands tall in the goal every match.

Barca actually play with the philosophy that “score as many goals against us as you can, we will score more.” And sometimes it backfires. The glamorous front six do everything right but put the ball into the net. But the defense still leaks goals at the same rate. Not the smartest way to play football. No need to be Italian to win games but at least WIN the matches damnit. We invest our hopes and emotions in you guys. Come on guys; give us the beautiful game and the victories. If anyone, you can do it. Be it any team of any style. Not for nothing does the world consider you the best.

It’s been two years now that you have not won any silverware. For a team like yours, it IS a matter of shame. Last season, Barca lost out to Liverpool on away goals in the Champions League. Losing 2-1 at home to a team which did not even bother to attack or pursue victory was stupid and inexcusable. A 1-0 victory at Anfield was not enough. In UCL it happens, but the blunders that they committed in La Liga were amazing. That and any more adjectives wouldn’t be sarcastic enough. They had an almost unassailable lead in the Liga almost till the mid and then they totally lost the plot. Finished on equal points with Real and lost the title on one-on-one results despite having a better goal difference (stupid way to decide the league but anyways the mistake was all Barca’s). It was heart breaking in the end but deserving nonetheless.

This year the fortunes have been reversed in the Liga and UCL. They have been disgusting at the least this year, losing many easy games. But the biggest mistake they made was that they drew too many games at home; games you would expect Barca to ace. They seem to have lost the magic up front. Clear cut chances have been put wide by a team which once could score almost impossible goals. Messi apart, every one up front has been hopeless. Eto’o was out at the beginning of the season, but his comeback hasn’t been exactly great. Henry, since his move from Arsenal hasn’t been the same force he was. Majority of his season has been on the bench, coming on only as a substitute late in the game. By the end of the season, he had to fight even for that against teen sensation Bojan Kirkic. Bojan being a Catalonian has an edge. Yet the biggest let down has been Ronnie. Two years since, he was the World Player of the year, two years running. To see his dismay, all you need to watch is the El Classico at Camp Nou. He went down far too easily and never looked like the man who held the promise of being the “greatest ever”. His antics cost Barca the game.

The mid has been okay. Iniesta has finally bloomed into a fine player. With deft control and incisive passing, he has proved to be a great asset but the best thing about him is that he plays at any position his team demands and yet remains one of the best players on the pitch. Xavi is good, but can do better at times. Being one of the senior most players, one would expect him to be a better leader. His game is good but given his role, better leadership would be great for Barca. Deco is mercurial but is one of the most creative players around. He along with Ronnie, Messi and Eto’o ruled the world for a couple of years. His best is not yet over. Though the same could not be said of Ronaldinho. Toure is good. Great rather. Keep him the way he is.
The defense looks suspect most of the times. But Milito and Abidal are class and lets keep them. Puyol needs to improve, so does Marquez. Barca, honestly need a better central defender. They should keep looking. Also for a right back – Zambrotta has no Italian defending qualities though he is good going up or on the overlap with Messi.

Anyways, all said and done Barca IS the best team in the world on, paper at least. One of the most formidable line-ups in recent times. Only comparisons would be Real in the Zidane - Figo era, and Puscas - Stefano era. Yet something has been holding them back. They haven’t been able to play to full potential. One of the reasons could be the presence of too many stars in the team. Each of the names is huge in the world of football. And we know many stars thrive on Glory. Other probable reason would be lack of leadership on the field. All they miss is one inspiring player who has the potential to lift the team by the collars when it is in dumps. Each one of the Blaugranes has enough potential to change the game in one moment of brilliance. Yet what they lack is the leadership in any of the players. They look defeated as soon as things start going against them. Not the way to play any sport.

All said and done, they still are my favourite team and nothing can change that – unless they migrate from the beautiful game. I just hope that they realize the greatness within them and start winning again – the beautiful way.

(The failures of the last two years has led to their coach being fired a year short of his term. Frank Rijkaard. He was an exceptional player and a brilliant coach and easily the COOLEST guy in any stadium he walked into. He instilled the values of good football in the team. The first three years of his reign were full of glory but the last two have been poor. I just hope that Barca stick to his style but play with a little more energy and belief.)

Good Luck Barca...

Conform to nothing but your Wish.

2008-03-09T18:25:00.000+05:30

Oh, how I love these hard hitting, into your face statements. And I love it more when I come up with those. I hope I did with this one at least. Anyways…

Conformity is the greatest crime you can do to yourself.

Haha… another one of those… Okay I promise. No more.

This isn’t some random, characteristically me, arrogant statement. It does mean a lot. Accepting things, people, or ideas without questioning them is restricting yourself - limiting your brain and imagination. “Accept people the way they are” is something which I have been told by many and many a times. We will talk about it later.

Conforming is basically accepting things and ideas as they are – no questions asked, no doubts entertained. Why follow the religious customs? Why believe in God? Why live with the norms that the society sets? Why study? Why do your assignments? Okay, the last one is simple – to pass the course. Hehe… Pardon the lame humour. Back to the serious stuff.

I believe that until you doubt and question any and every thing and find a convincing answer, an answer that convinces you completely, the idea that you accept or imbibe isn’t yours. It still is someone else’s idea. How can you be satisfied with something which isn’t yours? What have you added or taken away from an idea? Unless you doubt and question, you restrict yourself to all the knowledge and truth that there is in the world. What is your contribution to the world? To the spectrum of truth and ideas?

You may or may not believe in religion. Mostly it boils down to choice – either to follow it or not follow it. If you follow a certain religion, you dare not question its authority and authenticity. If you don’t follow any, it’s mostly because you hate them all equally. Why? You could say the customs and the rituals numb the mind. But have you bothered to ask “is religion in itself a bad concept?” “Do I need religion?”

People begin to doubt and question only when the statement hits them in the eye. Like if I say “Religion is one of the best tools to pass on the wisdom learnt over the years by generations. And yet I do not believe in it.” I could very well be bombarded with random questions, mostly hostile. I can well and truly defend myself in any argument over this, maybe even make a point. But let’s leave it at that. If you disagree you are welcome to put in your views. But make sure they are yours.

All I am saying is do not just accept something just because it is widely accepted as the norm. Think about it, and arrive at a conclusion based on your values and conscience. They are your best friends. Doubt is a great tool of evolution and use it for your personal growth as well.

Okay I do agree this post is sounding too much like J. Krishnamurti’s speeches and way too preachy. I do not want to tell anyone anything. Just that it beats me how can people be so conforming.

About “accepting people the way they are”. This is a debatable topic. The best I can say is that do accept them, love them, but if you see a flaw do make them known. Whether they acknowledge it or not is their choice but a man of wisdom will not mind you telling it. Rather they would appreciate it.

Conform to nothing but your wish. Till now whatever I have said hardly sounds anything like it. Rather it turned out mostly on conformity itself.

The original statement seemed more arrogant and stubborn than of any practical use. I have always lived by the law “Do what your heart tells you to.” Though it has not led me to any magical success, it somehow still appeals to me more than the conventional routes. At least this ways, you know why you do anything. You know the responsibility is just yours. And this knowledge is mostly motivation enough to see you through.

There is a flipside to this seemingly rebellious romantic mode. A rebel without cause or a rebel just for the sake of being one hardly serves any purpose. And this is where conformity and doubt play an important role. It is not that everything that is the norm is wrong. It’s not that the wisdom accumulated over the years is of no use. The idea then is to analyze every idea and notion, question the reason behind it, ask the “why” “how” and “when” before finally accepting it. Even if you come up with a different totally new or a modified version of the idea it is necessary to analyze it with the same above questions. And then the idea will be yours. Any idea without a reason will not hold for a long time and fizzle away anyways.

Basically what I am suggesting is a strong foundation for your thoughts – whatever they may be. If you choose to accept the existing ones or come up with totally new ideas, it should have a reason. At some point, you might have to accept things just as they are – like faith or belief. People say faith and belief do not have a reason. Somehow I have not been able to accept that. I mean I feel there is a reason behind everything. Just that we might not be able to find a reason for it, or just maybe that we are afraid of searching lest we lose faith once we have analyzed that. I mean, it happens that once you have analyzed everything you finally realize that it wasn’t as great as you believed and hence lose confidence in it. But it’s alright. You don’t need to overwork your brain over everything. Blind faith might help at times. Like “love” they say… Haha…

Imbibe ideas, come up with new ones but in the end Conform to nothing but your Wish…

Blogs No More....

2008-02-09T10:58:00.000+05:30

I haven’t blogged in a long long time and in the meanwhile have been coaxed, cajoled and persuaded to write. Well, my standard argument has been that I have run out of ideas and I ain’t that self obsessed to write about myself.

Trust me fellas (my readership is confined to at best couple of good friends, nothing more) I actually have run out of ideas. It’s not that I have nothing to say, but I somehow feel a futility in my writing blogs. I don’t see any purpose in it.

Okay, if I were analyzing myself, I could access that blogging was just another of my phases – fall in love with a thing for a while and when something new comes along, lose the steam for the old one. I hope my girlfriend (if and when) does not read this or she definitely wouldn’t like the pattern.

No no, it’s not that something new has come along – no new love. Writing is one of those things I know will stay with me for life. I love to write, tell the world how I think (more so if I think differently). I believe that I do have at least some things to say to this world, the people and make my own little contribution. Just that blogging has in course failed to give me the impetus to keep writing. “Have something to say, I will say even if you listen or not” is not exactly my philosophy.

Anyways I guess my posts were either too personal (a few) or philosophical or something random. Hardly the Masala for a successful blog. I guess I will have to re-invent myself to get the blog going.

So fellas (yeah the same good old coupla good friends) you will have to wait for me find some sense of humor or just live with occasional, maybe preachy posts.

I could have called you guys up and told you these non consequential words. But hey, this ways at least you get what you wanted.

Taare Zamin Par...

2008-01-25T12:59:00.000+05:30

So finally it happens. Not one but two things at once. I finally watched the movie after hoping and planning to see it for weeks. And yeah I did one thing I thought I would never do - Watching a movie all alone. Both were a pleasant surprise. The second mainly because the movie was such a delight and on a subject so close to my heart – children, the most fascinating thing (or should I say beings) on earth. Undoubtedly so. And I am glad I watched it alone, I watched it without any inhibitions of shedding a drop of tear or two…

I am not going to praise the movie here – lots been said and loads of accolades already showered on it. It deserves more. But I’ll let others do it.

Every child is special. Rightly so, simply for the unbundled, unlimited joy that he brings to the world. Everything else is just trivial.

The movie is about a dyslexic child. And how a teacher brings out the painting genius in him. The message is simple – with extra care and affection a child can do wonders. But there are greater underlying issues which we will tend to miss.

Any and every child needs someone who can understand him just the way he is. No questions asked, no judgment delivered. The comfort of knowing that you have someone to bank upon no matter what goes wrong in the world gives the child the freedom to just float in the world of his imagination. Then the child can be himself – that is a child. Full of energy, enthusiasm, curiosity and yes Joy. And spreading these unabashedly around. But this needs special care – being there whenever he needs it, whenever he is scared, whenever he has a weird question to ask, whenever he feels alone. Many a time he will not come up and share his feelings and fears. These are the times when he needs someone around the most. Just a little sensitivity will do the trick. It is not rocket science, just good old “unconditional love”. There is no better feeling in this world than “knowing that you are loved”.

It is easy blame the parents for being too harsh on children, for being worried when they don’t perform well enough and getting angry. I don’t think I can put the blame entirely on them. It is just that they are bothered and worried about the future of the child. Having gone through the grinds of life and this mad world, they do have every reason to be bothered. Only the best stand out. Mediocrity has no place in this world, at least not an enviable one. Almost every parent has already gone through tough times, seen some of their dreams shattered. Life isn’t what we would like it to be. It’s not a perfect world and unfortunately for the child, the parents learn it the hard way. Everybody learns it the hard way.

When parents get mad at their children, it is their own fears coming to the fore. Having been through all the hardships, they do not want the same happening to their children. They want to secure a bright and successful career for their children. Hence they tend to push their children towards studies and sports – the surest way of a good life.

What they miss out is that in doing so they kind of ruin the childhood of the kid. Childhood is not price enough even for a lifetime of success. Childhood is innocence, beauty and joy. No one has the right to take that away. No one. Not even the parents.

In all fairness the intent is good. It’s just that the intent is manifested through anger and frustration but the fall out on the kid isn’t good. It can push him into a corner, make him rebellious and alone. And in the process take his imagination, freedom and creativity away. All the anger and pushing may (or might not) achieve what the parents intended, but what is lost is much more.

The idea then should not be to push them into it. Instead a better plan would be gradually prepare them for this world. Getting mad at not being the first in the class is hardly the way. Even the toppers have their share of failures. No one can escape failure. At best, we can be prepared to face it and most importantly stand up again.

Life is all about finding your passion and doing great at it. Once you have found your passion, the only thing that can stop you from being the best at it is your own attitude and laziness. Parents instead of pushing the children towards something (a career) should try and give the child all the creative freedom in the world and rather focus on imbibing the virtues and the attitudes which will see him excel in any which field he chooses. With the freedom that he is allowed, the child will someday soon realize what his true passion is. Then on, it’s all about how well you can go about pursuing your dreams. But you need to dream for yourself and then work to see them come true. The thing which makes sure you achieve what you dream is positive attitude, hard work and a happy mind. And we should not undermine the importance of a happy mind. Mind is much more receptive and creative when it’s happy.

Don’t really know. People somehow lose the child that is inside them in the wilderness of this world. If only they kept the child in them alive they might just be able to understand children better. And be happier…

Freedom

2007-10-28T23:34:00.001+05:30

Is there anything as “Free Will” or is it one great illusion? Whom can you call a “free spirit”?

What is freedom of mind? What is freedom? What is mind?

Profound questions these, the answers not so obvious.

The modern word ‘free’ comes from the Old English word frēo. This word is connected with frēon which in Old English means ‘to love’ as well as frēond which means a person whom one loves, that is a friend or lover. To many a great philosophers, freedom implies love. One of the ways Freedom can be interpreted is “Freedom is a state and quality of mind.” Freedom is a state of bliss. It is a state of mind of the highest quality.

One of the greatest illusions of freedom is thinking that we are free if we have the power of choice. Equating the power of choice with freedom is a mistake very easy to make. Isn’t the option of choosing from given options a limitation into itself? How can there be freedom, total freedom of mind, when our choices/actions are restrained by the guidelines and ideas not entirely our own. Most of our actions are just a manifestation of “what we should be doing” or “what is accepted as the right thing to do”.

Let us take a simple example – attending lectures in morning. A student’s choice is limited to either attending the lecture or not attending it. It may seem he is free to make his decision. But the repercussions of not attending are so great he is compelled to wake up and sit through it though only half-awake. So the apparent idea that we are free to make our choices is not really freedom.

But the issue of freedom doesn’t apply just to simple choices. Given any situation, we think based on the information we already have, the knowledge that we possess and act based on what we (or the society) think we should do. In other words our choices are limited by our memory, social customs and the preconditioning of mind. A certain St. Augustine very poignantly said of his instruction, “Give me a boy from his birth until he is seven, and I will have him for the rest of his life.” For such a boy with such an upbringing, what can it possibly mean to say he chooses to be a Christian, or chooses to pray? Same is the case with any Islamic fundamentalist, who has been programmed into believing that they are fighting for freedom and a higher cause. What freedom is he fighting for when his mind itself is enslaved by a single thought – an idea not his own?

Can there be absolute freedom? Is any decision ever made which is free of bias? There are decisions which we perceive as our free decisions. Are they really free or are they guided by forces which we are not even are of? How significant are factors like memory, preconditioning, peer pressure, expectations, social structure etc in our actions and decisions?

Are there any free answers to these questions? Answers which are not guided by any of the above factors?

Another aspect of freedom is fear. Or rather fear is the opposite of freedom. We are afraid of death, we are afraid of what the future might unfold, we are afraid of our past and so much more. What more, fear breeds fear. In short fear kills freedom.
Why do people worry about future when it is all uncertain?
One thing which we are afraid of, without even being aware of it, is the past. We ponder over it, lament over the missed opportunities and cause ourselves pain. We are chained to our own past. Past is but a memory. Past is just a ghost… Unless and until we let go our past, we will never be able to break free of the shackles of our own memories.

People are afraid of death. Even people who want to go to heaven do not want to die to go there. What is it about death that scares us so much? Why do we fail to realize that that death is the single greatest tool of evolution? Why be afraid of nature’s second greatest invention (first being life itself)? Maybe, the only thought that can help get over the fear of death is that “death is inevitable.” Nothing can change that. The best we can do is embracing this Fact and Living each day the best we can.

It is tough to find someone who is absolutely free of fear; someone who has broken free of any and all kind of preconditioning. Even if they were to tell us what “absolute freedom” meant, we won’t understand it or even appreciate it. Freedom is an experience; it is a state of mind – of the highest quality. A free mind is in the state of bliss. A free mind can experience joy as none other.
Ironically though, being free is a choice. Anyone can choose to be free.

How?

That’s an individual quest, the rewards of which are more than what we can ever imagine.

It's OKAY, Sport....

2007-06-17T04:54:00.000+05:30

No night out here at IIT Bombay is complete without a trip to Maddu Mess. The early risers could give it a try too but that would be like breaking the tradition, wont it bros? Located in some dingy lanes near the Y Point gate, it’s not easy to locate it. But after three years of night outs I could sleep walk to the smell of “daal wadas and mendu wadas”. But the prized and the most coveted dish is the “onion anda dosa”. A couple of those could be a full meal. I prefer to wind up with a cup of freshly brewed kapi (south Indian coffee). The high point though is that all this and much more can be had in less than 40 bucks.

It is a small place run by a simple, unassuming family. The husband generally makes the coffee and the wadas etc. And auntie makes the dosas. Their son John generally does the serving and stuff… You might be wondering how I know his name. Well sometimes I do wander off to the IIT football ground on weekends and there he is, playing his brand of football. He easily is the best defender I have ever played against. That I prefer to play forward makes things all the more difficult for me. He has amazing control over the ball and can dribble with easy. And when he does take the ball ahead, he ends up either scoring or assisting. And yes I am not over emphasizing. I just don’t even compare to him.

Sitting in the crowded table of Maddu Mess, I cannot stop wondering why is this amazing footballer serving dishes and cleaning up the tables. He should have been playing with some club or more. A player of his skills could have easily made it. As it is evident he did not have a family which could back him. And there aren’t many successes in the game to have given him any hope to even take a shot at professional football. And now he is destined to a life of a Nobody. It is a story of what could have been and what is.

But why? Why is any sport other than cricket just not a route to success? Why do we obsess about players who either end up betting on the game or else losing it? Why do we as a nation waste nine hours over a game in which we end up seeing Amitabh Bachchan more number of times than the number of overs?

Have we ever wondered that in a nation of more than a billion and counting, we have just a few sportsmen of world class? Why is that the second most populated country in the world goes mad at winning just any medal at the Olympics while our neighbor China aims at winning the Olympics? Why do we go gaga over a Sania Mirza even when she has never broken into top 20 or gone past the second round of any major tournament? Do we, as a nation, lack pride and self-respect or do we accept mediocrity as the maximum attainable standard?

Though these all are true in some way or the other, the single greatest reason we have absolutely no standing in World Sports is that we look down upon sports as a profession. Any one who has tried playing more than than the quota of time allocated by parents must have definitely heard the phrase "Kheloge koodoge to barbaad ho jaooge". Sports just isn't an option if you want to survive in this world, or so is the mindset in our beloved country.

The lack of proper support and infrastructure has deprived our country of the Zidanes and Rivaldos. We all must be familiar with what Zidane did for the Algerian community in France. Not only did he excel in his sport and won the world cup for his country but he brought recognition to his community and hence opening up the gates for recognition and equality for the Algerians. Rivaldo was born to so poor a family, he spent all his childhood as a malnutritioned boy. His legs arched because of that. That those very arched legs helped him hit awkwardly amazing shots is a different story. Had it not been for football, he could very well have been begging on the streets. And these two aren't some stand alone figures. The world of sports if filled with them.

No support and no hope (because of the lack of Heroes) hasn't helped any of the budding or aspiring sportsmen. We are such a diverse nation with ample of diversity. We could find pools of talent for each sport if only we bothers to search and nourish them. We still have tribes which hunt using bow and arrows. should it be impossible to find a world champion amongst those? Our army has one of the best shooters in the world. Why not make them win a few Olympic medals for us? Its only a matter of looking for the right person at the right place and grooming him/her. One successfull sportsman can turn around his fortune and of those around him. And give hope of salvation from a life of mediocrity to a million more.

I sometimes cannot but wonder why do we always have to wish about the things that could have been, let a sigh and let it go?

As I sigh again, the clock ticks five and a couple of "onion anda dosas" beckon...

GOD

2007-05-09T07:43:00.000+05:30

What or who is God? What is his importance? Why did he create this world? If not he/she, then who? Is he the Supreme? Or is he just a belief? Is he just an imagination of the mortal human mind?

When put with the same question I would answer as God is the single greatest creation of the man; a very wise one at that. What better way to control the lesser mortals than the fear of a supreme power who created the world and is keeping a constant vigil; that every wrong deed had to be answered in the court of God. What better support for a man than God? That God will guide through the tough times. That he stands by us through thick and thin. What better way to explain death than to say God needed him/her? God is the answer to everything that this mortal mind and science cannot explain.

Looking at this then from the wise mans perspective; God is FAITH in powers higher than our own. God is just a belief. He exists only in our mind. What then is the need for God? Why not have faith on ourselves instead of looking it elsewhere? Why not accept death as an act of nature - the single best tool of evolution? Why not be conscious of the right and wrong? Why look for sanctification of every one of our deeds? Why not have an unshakeable value system instead?

Well that leaves us with a clear answer. God is just a belief, the strongest one. But the wise man needs his divine presence to keep order in this world of chaos.

One question remains unanswered still – who created this world and this beautiful thing called Life? Most definitely not man or his imagination. Science might answer the formation of the universe. But the creation of Life still remains a mystery – both to the scientists and the philosophers. This is the only reason I cannot deny the existence of God.

Kuch Bachkane Sawal...

2007-05-07T07:14:00.001+05:30

Kabhi bachpan mein kisi hum-umar ko bheekh maangte dekha tha. Dil mein tab bas ek hi baat uthi thi – “Uski jagah main hota to kya hota? Uski jagah main kyon nahi? Agar main apne ghar paida nahi hua hota to shayad main hi inki jagah ho sakta tha. Paida to sab ek se masoom hi hote hain. Phir kisi ke haath mein chocolate to kisi ke haath mein katora kyon hai? ” Yeh sawal chahe jitne hi bachkane ho, inka ‘satisfactory’jawab shayad hi koi de payega. Shayad ‘philosophers’ bhi nahi. Kya pata woh in sawalon ka jawab dhondhte dhoondte hi ‘philosopher’ bane ho.

In sawalon ka jawab to tab mila nahi. Kabhi kisi se poocha bhi nahi. Bade hue aur thodi duniya dekhi to ise duniya ka dastoor samajhne lage. Logon ne bhi kuch aisa hi keh kar tal diya. Lekin man shant naa hua. Bachpan ke un sawalon ne mere ‘innocent mind’ pe ek ‘permanent’ chaap chodi thi. Shayad inhi sawalon ka jawab dhoondte dhoondte har bachcha duniya ko badalne aur acha banane ka sapna dekhta hai. Bachpan mein to har cheez khoobsoorat hi hoti hai. Duniya bhi utni hi khoobsoorat kyon naa ho? Aakhir wo to hum sab ka ghar hai. Har masoom ke man mein ek naa ek baar yeh khayal to aata hi hoga. Bade hone pe kuch log is naadan sapne se bahar nikal jaate hain. Soocha jaye to woh apni ‘sensitivity’ ko dil mein kahin door chupa dete hain.

Kuch log in sapnon mein hi kahin kaid ho ke reh jaate hai.

Sapne dekhna kab bura hota hai. Yeh hamare sapne hi to hain jo humen is duniya se door apni ek 'perfect world' mein le jaa, pal bhar ki hi sahi, anokhi khushi dete hain. Lekin jab sapna duniya ke dastoor ko badalne ka ho to sirf hamari khushi nahi judi us sapne ke saath. Logon ne pehle bhi koshish to ki hogi hi. Akhir hum duniya ke pehle 'dreamer' to hain nahi. Lekin duniya chodo, apne aap ko hi badal paana aasan kaam nahi. Sach to yahi hai ki duniya ko badalne ka pehla kadam apne aap ko us roop mein dhaalna hai jo is 'seemingly unassailable' kaam ko karne ke kaabil ho, jo us-se judi izzat ko ‘deserve’ karta ho.

Dil mein jhaank ke dekhun to maine pehla kadam abhi rakha bhi nahi. Kaise rakhna hai pata bhi nahi.

Here’s to the crazy ones…

2007-04-20T17:44:00.000+05:30

Here’s to the crazy ones…
The misfits…
The rebels…
The trouble makers...
Round pegs in square holes…
Ones who see things differently…
They are not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things…
Because they push the human race forward…
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

Maa...

2007-03-07T03:39:00.000+05:30

There are times when you are low. When you feel everything in the world is conspiring just against you. No matter how hard you try, you end up losing. Not once but a series of times. There are times when you feel you have nowhere to return to, nowhere to find recluse in.

There are days when you can’t sleep at night no matter how hard you try. You try and cocoon yourself, become lonely and stay to yourself. It is then that sadness sets in.

You don’t want to be near friends because of the fear of being judged. They might not be out judging or commenting on you but you are so occupied with your failures and sadness you can’t see beyond that. You don’t want to talk to your siblings because they just adore you and you don’t want to change that; at least not me. Your father is someone who pushes you all your life - towards success, towards victory. He is not one who can understand your losses, fears and hurts.

That leaves you with just one person in the whole world. Your mother. She is the only person who will never judge you, neither will her love wither with your failures or increase with your success. All she cares for is your happiness, your smile and you. Just having her around tells you that all will be fine, that everything is okay. The one moment when you put your head in her lap, that one moment when she gently caresses your head with all the love in the world, that one moment is worth anything in this world. She may not be able to help you with your troubles; maybe she may not be able to even understand them. But mothers have an assuring way by which they comfort you.

Maybe it’s called Unconditional Love.

I am lucky enough to have a mother who not only has done all this but much more. Still I haven’t had the most pleasant relationship with her. At least not one in which I can talk my heart out to her. I know she can even understand my fears, stand by me when needed and much more. But still… I cannot talk to her. Not on the phone… Right now only I know how badly I miss her. Ahh…

Meaningfull Happiness...

2007-03-07T00:04:00.000+05:30

Somewhere I heard this eye opening statement “You are truly happy only if you live in the present. But to have a meaningful life you need to wallow in the past and obsess about the future. The choice then is whether you want to have a meaning life or be happy.”

My choice was not a conscious one. I have never lived in the present, not for a single whole day. Doesn’t mean I have a very meaningful life. I don’t think so. I mean bringing smiles to other people’s faces doesn’t count as one. Not that I make an effort to do so. So…

Thinking of it in the perspective of the opening statement, “Do I have a choice to change myself NOW? If yes what would my decision be?” I don’t think I NOW have much of a choice regarding what and who I am and how I think. I guess these decisions are unconsciously taken in our childhood when we are not Philosophical enough to understand the impact of our choices. Still…

Coming to the real question: “If I could make the choice now, what would it be - Happy or meaningful?"

Ah… I have managed to inflict so much pain upon myself thinking about the future or brooding over the past that I crave for pure unadulterated happiness. Ironically still, if I were to make a decision now, I would still choose a life of meaning – the meaning I want to give to it.

Addicted to Love...

2007-03-03T05:11:00.000+05:30

All those who have been acquainted with my writings will agree that I write impersonally, even about the most personal things. Not a good thing to do, at my age I guess. Or maybe it’s just a sign of a philosopher in the making. Whatever…

Well, I had always believed that I would be in love with Meg Ryan till the end of my days. Why so? I don’t know. Somehow she (or the characters that she portrayed) managed to kindle the romantic in me – in a subtly different manner with each of her movies. The way she looks and feels when hopelessly in love (Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail or City of angels and many more...) brought to fore the hopeless romantic in me (pardon for the repetition of “less hope” or “romance” but I can’t find another word for it). The character she plays in City of Angles – Dr. Magi Rice happens to be my dream woman. That I am “hopelessly” in love with a doctor for god knows how many years is not just a coincidence I guess. Or was it the other way round?

I don’t think there ever was a guy who has not fallen in love with Meg Ryan. Her feminism, her smile, her laughter, her tears, her fears, just about everything makes you want to kiss her, hold her, be by her side all your life. Guess what; I have fallen in love with her even when she played a spying tomboy in Addicted to Love (that I chose this title is a tribute to her). She is the woman you fall in love with once and stay that way all your life. She is the woman you want to come home to every day. I guess that’s all I can write about love without getting sick.

Well that is not the end of the story, if ever there was one. All was going well with my romance with Meg Ryan (how imaginative, me in wonderland I suppose) till I watched a few movies of Meryl Streep. Inarguably the best actress of her time, still she never kindled in me any romantic fantasy. Neither did I swoon over her smile or laughter or anything. But she IS perfect; perfect in every sense that can be. She is the woman you can ADORE and ADMIRE. She is the woman who will be your strength, not weakness. She is the woman who you want as your best friend. She is the woman you want to grow old with. She is the woman you want to wake up every day with… Every Day…

Does this mean I am in love with two fantastic women at the same time? Am I allowed this?

Or is it three?

Absoluteness (beta version)

2007-02-26T03:03:00.000+05:30

(Beta version simply means that the post is undergoing refinement.. Read on and post your valued suggestions.)

It can be said without any counter argument that even Truth is not absolute. I mean to say that every Truth is nothing but a perspective and no perspective the Absolute. Neither is money, success or anything for that matter. Everything in today’s artificial world has become relative – our success, the money that we make (I still don’t make any money !!!) and most alarmingly even our happiness.

Amongst all this pseudo truths and artificial lives, what then is absolute? Is there anything that can be classified as pure?

I feel that there is just one absolute truth in this world – our own happiness and joy; that we should be so happy that we don’t bother to measure it against anyone else’s happiness. Happiness and joy should come from within each of us and nothing else in the world should be able to guide it. No one or nothing should be able to hamper it in any way. To appreciate what I intend to blabber from here on you need to have the understanding of the difference between Pleasure, Happiness and Joy. All I can say is that they can be understood as the different levels of “purity” of the same thing in the increasing order; joy being the most unadulterated of them all.

What I propose to say is that for each of us, the only thing that should matter is our happiness. We should look for it only within ourselves. If we look for happiness elsewhere, the best we might be able to achieve is pleasure; mostly we end up being disappointed. Happiness lies within us waiting to be unleashed - Happiness, Absolute Happiness. And then when we are totally at peace with ourselves, we find Joy – pure, unadulterated bliss…..

Ban on LAN...

2007-01-21T14:03:00.000+05:30

The fear which I had, just after the recent suicide, has materialized. The first lines I said after hearing the suicide about it was that LAN and internet in IIT are going to be banned (how insensitive of me!!!). It was not a random statement at all. The authorities needed a reason and the poor guy was in fact a gaming and movie freak. So here we are – on the verge of losing our oh-so-dear virtual lives.

The authorities have a reason to do so – that being that LAN has led to decreased academic interests and performance. The 80% attendance rule does force the students to attend lectures but they prefer to sleep through it rather listen. Once a child underperforms the system becomes draconian for him - Hence the depression and hence the suicide. So looking at it from this perspective, banning the LAN is hitting at the root and hence the best solution.

I suggest another perspective. The students coming to IIT are undoubtedly the best of the lot who chose to do engineering. And I guess IIT draws most of its reputation and pride from this. I assure you, everything else in IIT is just outdated and average compared to the world levels, some professors apart. So what is it that draws the best minds of the country towards gaming, movies and general “lukhkhagiri” on the internet? I believe that this should be the real question that should be asked, not just by the students but the authorities and the faculty.

I have no experience of the previous years but I am told that there used to be a wonderful interactive and friendly atmosphere some years back. Today what is left of it is the limited interaction in the classroom and a mutual hate once out of it. Okay, I agree that a teacher just cannot hate his students. But most students deride their professors. And we have professors who complain that the “quality” of students coming to IIT are not good enough anymore, that they are miffed why we no longer prefer engineering jobs and lots more. If the quality of students has decreased, then the JEE (the single greatest pride of the IIT’s) has failed blatantly. It kind of has become a mutual hate community, a kind of us against them.

Since the interaction has decreased, the faculty is no longer aware of the real needs of the students. I tell you many students after having taken JEE successfully, just want to relax and have a nice time because a number of years have been invested to get here. No games, no fun, and no girls in these JEE prep years, when we kids are supposed to have fun does take a toll. And IIT are not to blame for this. The intake to rejection ratio is just too high so the pressure and the requirements of JEE demand this. Anyways this is for the policy makers of the country to decide.

And then there is the conflict of desires of the students and the faculty. Before coming to IIT, the students (again, in general) are motivated because of the glamour, the money and the pride of being an IITian. Once the students are here, the motivation, the vision and the desire to achieve is gone. They know that even if they don’t learn, cramming before the exams will fetch them good enough grades for a decent job. The initial motives (those of before coming to IIT) are fulfilled without much effort, or thought. The algorithm for navigating through IIT academics is pretty simple if found out early. It is as simple as - get the best notes, do the tutorials, start cramming a week before the mid-sems and end-sems and you are through. The professors would like to see the students learn from their hard work in the lecture rooms and before it. They want their job to be professionally paying as well. They want to entice the students into research and development - nothing wrong in that. All I am saying is that there is no confluence of the ideas and desires of the two sects. But the way I see it, there is still hope. As I said earlier, the students lose vision and motivation once in IIT. IIT can show them this vision, this reason to excel; give them challenges outside the realm of the classrooms which will inspire these students into thought and action. The ways to do this can be definitely found if we set out to find it.

In IIT the pressures to perform, to be at the top, the expectation of being the best (both from parents and the society) are just too much. The academic pressure ain’t any less. The system of JEE and the subsequent admission to the IIT’s is such that many people do not get the branch of their choice (not that the choice is an educated one). And believe me; the professors (the lot) do not take the pains to see that every student is getting involved and interested in the course. No practicality and the use of the course are discussed in the lectures. No information is given which will amaze the student into studying it with interest. No matter how much the professors (the lot) complain about the students being too text-bookish, they too promote the same. Unfortunate but unfortunately true.

The number of student going into each IIT and each department is higher than that was in the previous years. So it is understandable that the professors cannot take care of each student. But tell me – how difficult it is to make the course more practical oriented. How tough is it to provide information about the applications of the course material which will amaze the students into self learning? There are professors who do this and believe me, even the hardcore gamers listen to them eyes wide open. A student takes around 50 courses in the whole stay at IIT – at least 6 courses a semester. The sheer amount of study to be done is mind boggling. I do not believe that we can learn all the six courses in the stipulated time of four months. In a semester of 4 months, 1 whole month is gone in the mid sems and the end sems. That leaves us with around 90 days for six courses i.e. 15 days for one course. 15 days to learn a course!!! Do we want to believe that courses can be “learnt” in 15 days? Do we want to believe that research is viable without us having learnt the requisite courses?

The accepted standard abroad is 4 courses per semester with a lot of flexibility in the course structure and selection. Most of the courses we take are core – agreed. But many of them can be clubbed together; some made electives – the idea is giving flexibility to the student to choose his courses, more so in light that many students do not get the branch of their choice.

IIT has not seen enough start ups from here (the way things happen in ivy league univs abroad) because I feel that the technological awareness is not world level and the lab facilities which usher innovation are not available here the way they are available abroad. Also the inquisitiveness of the mind is killed by the over burdening education system of this country. Almost everyone will agree that our country promotes an education centered on mugging up and scoring good marks instead of learning.

The list of troubles and problems can go on forever. The problems cannot be eradicated but better and more productive solutions can be found out. For this a deep, honest introspection is needed on both parts. Let us not pass the buck this time too and assume that the job is done. Let us understand the true nature of the problems being faced on each part and try to solve it so that we make this place conducive to learning. Let us try and make this a place where people are truly happy.

Simplifying Life... (beta version)

2007-01-15T23:30:00.000+05:30

Beta version simply means that the post is undergoing refinement.. Read on and post your valued suggestions.

Sometime back I was watching this movie – “Waking Life”. It is a wonderful movie about a guy who cannot differentiate between reality and dream. So he sets out to solve the mystery and meets people in the process who talk and explain to him about reality, sub-reality and life. One person asks him this question - “The human values have remained the same in the past 2000 years - as they were in the days of Socrates and Co.. What then is the trait that stops us the most from achieving our true potential – fear or laziness?”

This question, though random as it may seem, set my mind on the course it is best at – philosophizing. Since then I have been thinking a lot of random ideas and though what I propose here does not give an exact answer to the question, it tries to give another reason why we have not achieved our true potential and why have the human virtues stayed the same?

This, I believe can be explained on the lines of evolution. Humans have evolved into this highly intelligent specie (intelligent only with reference to the sub humans, we do not as of this day know of some other evolved specie, hence the pride). But this has taken around 2 million years for us to evolve into this form - 2 million years for this intelligence to be attained. 2000 years is too little a phase in it. It is highly probable that 2000 years is insufficient time for such drastic changes - the elimination of laziness and fear to take place.

Anyways, that again is not the solution (if we consider it a problem). I believe is that the problem lies in our own minds. Scientists say that we are able to use only 4 – 10 percent of our mental capabilities. I just wish they are true because it gives us so much hope for the future. But of the 10 percent of the mind that we use, are we able to use the most of it for our good? Or do we end up wasting an exorbitant portion of what we have? I guess I made the statement a bit debatable, which I should have avoided, but I find some exponent of truth in it. I will try and explain.

We as humans are made of instincts, emotions and feelings. Okay – they actually are different and impact our thoughts in different magnitudes. Instinct is something which is hardwired into us. It is something that we are born with, we meaning all of us humans. And there are just a few instincts like – the sense of security, love, dislike etc. Fear may or may not be an instinct; it could be plugged with the security thing. I mean there are intrinsic to us humans. And then there are emotions. These include our desires, cravings, wants, anger, rage etc. There are lots of them to be mentioned here. Some are the nice and good ones – the ones which keep us happy. And there are some negative emotions like anger, jealousy, anxiety, desperation etc. It is the emotions and our instincts which determine what we feel at any instant. What else could possibly guide our feelings? And the feelings determine how we work and perform at any time.

I guess I am lost in my own words here so will try to simplify things. Our mind at this stage of evolution has certain limited capabilities. This limited capability is shared by instincts, emotions, feelings, our cravings and the most important one – our creative capabilities. It is this creative capability of the mind which when used gives us the greatest pleasure and happiness. I guess I cannot explain the nature of happiness but it is of the highest kind- pure unadulterated happiness. Each one experiences this pleasure in different things. And to attain that pleasure, is to me, the motive of life. Analyzing the working of our minds we realize that if we could allocate more of our brain space to our creative instincts, we would be much happier and would be true to our natural selves.

Instincts are hardwired into us. They occupy not much space in the conscious and the sub-conscious mind but we have not much control over them. We can alter the extent of the impact of our instincts; we can hone them but not change them much. It is the emotions which occupy a lot of space in our sub-conscious and the conscious. And the feelings occupy a lot of our conscious, especially the negative ones. Feelings like anger, hate, dislike, jealousy have the potential to capture the whole working space of our mind. Our decisions get directed by them which could be really harmful at times. So the idea here is that if we can eliminate the negative emotions from our thought process we could be able to allocate a larger portion of our active brain for the creative processes. It is not as easy as said. But on second thought it is not that tough either. It is as simple as staying true to our natural selves – trusting our instincts, keeping our emotions simple and pure, understanding the motive of life and trying to use our creativity to the extreme limits.

Okay, I have the capacity to come up with weird theories and this is just one of them. I feel that we have two types of emotions – the ones that come naturally to us and those which we learn as we grow. Love is a natural emotion, so much so that I prefer to call it an instinct. There are so many of them. I guess I will have to look up the thesaurus for them. It is like we have our instincts which breed emotions in us. These emotions are the guiding light for our feelings. If a person is happy, he will be excited and exuberant. Happiness is an emotion, excitement and exuberance are feelings. And so every act he does, he will do it with excitement and hence do it better than if we were feeling low or sad. We cannot deny that emotions and feelings can have a huge impact upon us.

So if we can unlearn the negative emotions or reduce the impact they have upon us we can allocate more mind-space to our creative thoughts and creative processes. Hence we will be happier and hence do every creative process with excitement and hence do our tasks much better. I guess you too can see a vicious circle of happiness. Or should we call it Bliss…

Just some Questions...

2006-10-23T00:14:00.000+05:30

Philosophy and Psychology, Equality and Liberty, Imagination and Reality, Arts and Science, Self or The Whole, Atheist or a Believer, Mind or Matter, Life and Death- These are not just phrases but questions to me, the questions that baffle me to my wits end. And then there is the ever lingering question – “What is the ultimate aim of this Human Life?”

Recently I acquired a book by the name “The story of Philosophy”. It takes us through the development of western philosophy through the ages. I, being fascinated by the French Revolution, turned straight to Voltaire – the heart, soul and the mind of The Renaissance. Though he never fought the war, it was he who sowed the seeds of change – all by the might of his pen. And by the time I had read it, I could sense a connection between his and my ideas about psychology, philosophy and humanity in general. And it brought back all these questions to the fore which had forever been lingering in the back of my mind.

One question to which every one has an answer of their own is “What is the meaning of this Life?” Every one is entitled to an opinion but none of it the complete truth. There are different sects of philosophy which answer these questions in their own way and each seems true enough. The meaning and the motive of life – it all seems so deceptive. Some wise man even said “if we start looking for the meaning of life, we stop living life “. He could be right for many a man has tried to undertake the path and not many have succeeded (this is related to another question – “the self or the whole” meaning a thousand lives were wasted (or invested) for the discovery and the achievement of one man. Was it worth it?”). But those who did succeed definitely changed the course of history or at least gave a new direction to humanity and how we think. The praises could go on for pages and the critics can babble their hearts out. But we know we are not interested in either.

Philosophy and Psychology are somehow deeply related. Every doubt of mine here is either of these. And no matter what or how much I think every one of them ends in another doubt or question.

Equality and/or Liberty – this is just a part of philosophy because no state has been able to achieve both at the same time. If it were achieved, Utopia (Plato’s main theme work) would come true. The world has seen instances where one of them was sacrificed for the other. America is a land of opportunity and liberty but not equality. USSR implemented Equality via force and took away all liberty. And not all men in these lands are happy. I guess all of us understand liberty because it is centric to all forms of life. Equality has many aspects – material, power, opportunity and education. But to me the most important is equality of education (not just literacy, information and knowledge but wisdom too) because it has the potential to bring the liberation of man from the shackles of a sub-human life. These issues could be better dealt with if Philosophers were kings or Kings were philosophers. But Utopia is a dream after all.

Atheist or a Believer- this again is a tricky question. Personally I do not believe in religion but am divided on the existence of God. One thing that goes in favor of God is – How did this universe (big bang and stuff) come into being? What caused this universe to come into being and what created Life? Even science has just one answer – God. But there is no proof to his /her existence either. It’s all a belief; a deep rooted one at that. Just another crazy theory on this line – God is mans single best invention.

About Science and Arts I have just one thing to say- I believe that science is for the sustenance of life and art for the sustenance of the soul.

Imagination and reality –it’s a question for the educators. But they don’t really see the importance of it. Imagination is what propels us ahead – it sows the seeds of Ideas. But for the idea to be really fruitful it should be based on truths. It’s a deep rooted problem but I believe that no matter what Imagination of the young mind should not be curbed.

Mind or Matter- this is related to how we live our life. By mind I mean happiness, joy and intellectual development and by matter I mean materialistic things and achievements. A certain amount of matter is needed for a comfortable living and to fulfill some of our psychological needs. Mind alone cannot fetch us all our needs. But an excess of matter had been found to bring troubles of its own – like the loss of peace of mind. It is a personal choice hence better left at that.

Self or the Whole- this is again a deep psychological question. Why does a human being exist – to live a good life of his own or for the betterment of the others? Ayn Rand in her philosophy of Objectivism professes the former and lashes out at the later. She sees the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute. She is totally against altruism. I don’t really know the truth but looking at the whole picture we are no one. In the total history of man we have a life span of a few years. We do know where we came from but have no idea where we are heading to. But the intention has to be making the present and the future better. After all we just are a link in the chain (of humanity) – the ends of which are unknown to us. All of us contribute to the chain – some make themselves stronger, some try to make others strong. Which one to chose is a million dollar question to me.

Life and Death. Steve Jobs says “Death is the destiny that we all share.” Yet most of us are afraid of death. No one wants to die. We fail to realize that we can’t beat it. Instead the best we can do is -make the best of this life. I believe that if we live each day as it comes, and make the best of each day we would have done our best. As for life itself – we consider it to be so complex yet understanding life is deceptively simple. Life comprises majorly of work, people and our emotions. I believe that if we do our work with unflinching honesty and keep our emotions simple (true to our natural and uncorrupted selves) we can be truly happy, we will attain Bliss and it is then that the fear of death is gone. I guess I am still trying to bring honesty to my work. Ironically I don’t even understand the true nature of the work that I will be happy doing.

All this has gotten really big by now and I’ll wind up with the original question. What makes me write this? Have I overshot my years? Have I gotten too philosophical for my age (my mom and sis will vouch for that)? Do I understand life better having asked myself these questions? The answer is yes. The answer is - Life is simple and Life is Beautiful.

Ciggi..

2006-09-03T06:12:00.001+05:30

So it finally happens. Sometime as a kid, I had promised myself that I would never smoke. It was based mostly on the fact that my Dad gave up smoking so I don't pick it up from him. And as I grew, I gathered facts which made my resolve stronger. To name a few, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances known to man, is carcinogenic, is one of the prominent reasons for perennial bronchitis. If I consult my sister, she could come up with a thousand more.

But today somehow the resolve was broken. Why that happened is of a bigger concern to me than one ciggi.. I hated it anyways. It tastes awful, leaves a feeling of ashes in the mouth and the lungs hurt like hell. And as i write this, they still are hurting. Yet I don't know whether I will smoke another one or not.

Coming back to the main reason why I chose to succumb. I will clarify that it was a choice rather than “somehow falling into it”. I did it despite my friend, from whom I borrowed the ciggi, opposing it. There are three reasons why I did so. First – I want to experience and try almost every thing this world has to offer. So smoking is just a small part of the big, bad world. Second is kind of immature yet it exists. If men like Steve Jobs can do drugs and still change the world, I wanted to see if ciggi could do any wonders for me. But then the most important was, I wanted to see if ciggi helps me solve my problems.

I don't want to talk about my problems. Each one has his problems. Most people in this world will vouch that their problems are the toughest, not me though. My problem is that I know precisely what my troubles are and I also know that I am perfectly capable of solving them. But somehow I have not been able to do any of that. With this is associated the biggest fear of my life. I don't want my life to be a story of “could have beens”. What I mean by this is that I do not want to have regrets about my life down the years. I do not want to have a feeling that “I could have done that, I could have achieved this, I could have had the girl of my dreams if only I had tried hard enough, or would have been wise enough.” What I mean by all of this is tough to explain here. Someday I will write about this in detail.

This raises another question- am I being an escapist? Most probably yes. I have this hope of someone, something solving my problems and thinking that I will take it over from there. But its my life, my troubles and I will have to sort them out as well. If I have troubles, I will either solve them and come out stronger or succumb.

Anyways, if this news reaches my dad, he will pour out all his wisdom to persuade me to never do it again. I know he will be supportive, maybe even understand. Mom will be shattered. And my sister will refuse to talk to me. Yet I am going to put it in public domain. And I don't know why - most probably because none of that will stop me from having one more, or from becoming a smoker.

Right now, I am going for a jog, try to run and skip harder for days and make up for the lost lung cells.....

Steve Job's Speech...

2006-08-20T02:18:00.000+05:30

(This speech was given by Apple CEO Steve Jobs at the Graduation Ceremony at Stanford. Havent come across anything more original, honest, and inspiring. Read on.)

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal, just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5 deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example: Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parent’s garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful-tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important - have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions. Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Life’s Calling

2006-08-18T17:13:00.000+05:30

I am a non believer. But if at all my epitaph were to be written, I would want it to be just one simple phrase- “A life well lived”. But then what is life? What is “well lived”? Tricky questions these, the answers not all that obvious.

Our life comprises of many things- work, emotions, relationships, fun and enjoyment. Every time I have hearty conversation with my father regarding this he always says “We have only a lifetime, and nature wants us to enjoy our lives to the fullest”. But then enjoyment has its own parameters like pleasure, happiness and joy. And each is important. See, more I try to untangle the mystery of life more complicated it gets.

Work is one of the most important aspects of life. And to enjoy life truly, we need to find a job (profession, whatever) that we truly love. That makes work fun and enjoyable. We can say that to be truly happy, we need to find our “life’s calling”- a job which we know we were born for, a work which becomes more than “just another job”, something which becomes our passion.

I have seen people who have found out their Life’s Call. And, just by looking at them, I can see the difference. They have a sense of calm, serenity and delight around them. Joy exuberates. And the best thing is that each one of us has our own “Life’s call”.

Talking of me, I have had many things that I have been fascinated with. But coming to profession, I am studying (!) to be a Mechanical Engineer. But I have my doubts. Do I really want to live my life as a mechanical engineer? I mean, will I be happy designing engines, or cars, or producing goods on the assembly line? I have no idea. And the worst part is that, such images do not stir any emotions in me. They simply fail to inspire me.

Then I have dabbled in photography. Mostly nature, some abstract some general. Basically I have had fun with it, and I really like doing it. And believe me, I find the idea of travel photographer’s life more fascinating than that of an engineer’s. But on a deeper thought, it is just a fascination. And no fascination lasts a life time. I have to be honest. None does. If I make it my profession I will lose interest in days. But then, while talking of Life, one got to be serious.

Then there are these simple things which I like. One of them is music. But honestly speaking I am not good enough at it to make something out of it. Travel and adventure fascinate me the most. The idea of exploring foreign land, meeting new people, falling in love with cities, trying their cuisine and most importantly studying their culture is just great. No matter what, my dream job will always be “the host of the Discovery show – Globe Trekker / Lonely Planet”. What a life man - you get paid to trot around the world, eat at exotic places, and buy stuff and what not. Even if I do not get paid for it, I would love to backpack all around the world.

And then there is the weirdest of them all - Psychology. I am not just interested but mad about trying to understand how the human mind works. Had I studied to be a doctor I would have taken nothing else but Psychiatry for my masters. Human mind is the most complex of all things, the field explored the least. To study psychology, I would like to start with child psychology. I have this feeling that if we try to understand how a child’s mind develops from a baby to a kid to an adolescent and then finally an adult, we could get most answers we look for in psychology. After all, all of us are born with just some simple but pure emotions – love and a sense of security. Most of the other emotions are acquired by us as we grow. I love to just observe people, for hours, like a non existent person and try to understand his actions, and expressions. Then I like to formulate an idea as to how the person will be. I have my own methods which have no reason. But many times my predictions about the person turn out true. Or it could be my fallacy – the mind is a mystery you see.

Talking of psychology, I had to touch upon Philosophy as well. I am philosopher in my own right. I love to drool over topics for hours and develop theories accordingly. But then it’s just to answer my own curiosity, in my own way, based on my own beliefs and imagination.

All seems so confusing and more I think about it, more vivid my future seems to me. Yet, despite all these I know what my Life’s call is.

Theory of Bitch...

2006-08-18T17:00:00.000+05:30

After the “Theory of Ditch” comes the “Theory of Bitch”. Though conceived ages back I never thought I should document it, owing to the volatile content. If I ever get caught I will be thrashed to death by the female of the species but I guess the “Theory” is worth it.

The origins of the thought are untraceable now. It has not been tested personally but is based mostly on worldly wisdom and the experience of others as well. It states that – “There are two types of girls in this world – Bitches and Sexy Bitches. “

I won’t elucidate any more. I believe that the statement is self explanatory. There is a corollary to the theory as well, only for the guys though – “Just get the sexy ones.”

The theory will be verified by almost every guy in this world and every honest girl as well. Regarding the corollary, every guy wants just that.

P.S. @ Girls- No hard feelings yaa….

How good is being “Good”??

2006-08-15T05:18:00.000+05:30

I remember reading two quotes some years back, one by Abraham Lincoln and another by our very own Narayana Murthy. And somehow they stuck in my mind. But it was only recently that the meaning and importance of it all came clear to me.

Lincoln said- “No honest man can be everything to everybody.”

Narayana Murthy had remarked- “There is no need to be good every time. You just have to be fair.”

Some real words of wisdom these. And it was the recent series of events that made me realize the true importance of these words. I have tried to be good to almost all my friends and those close to me. I have put in extra efforts on my part to keep the relationship going. This is just what I feel and need not be the other side of the story.

Anyways, continuing, not every body deserves being treated specially. Or so I have learnt the hard way. The same people, whom you had treated kindly and favourably, use you and turn their heads away when the time to return the favour arises. Every one expects others to understand them, but the same guys won’t give a damn about understanding others. But in this selfish and mean world, there is no space for emotions. It’s a mad rush for success and money. Every one wants to win and to them “ethics and ethos” are the “armour of the meek”.

I do not demand much from people around me, just one thing – Integrity. But it’s hard to come across such men these days. Maybe that’s why I find myself a lone figure even in a crowd.

When I try to be good to others, I stop being honest to “myself”. Hence I prove Lincoln right.

I guess Narayana Murthy’s wisdom will have to bail me out.

One Moment of Doubt

2006-08-14T06:58:00.002+05:30

Just as we were going towards the gym, we looked out of the windows. A clear sky after days inspired Deva to suggest going out for a jog rather than the usual stuff at the gym. So off we (me, Deva, Bob) were for our sojourn.

Crossy, as it is called here, is not new for me. I have run a lot, participated in all crossy events that have been organized here. It’s a simple sport which needs just a few basic things – complete idea of your body, breath control and determination to complete the race come what may.

I started with all the determination in the world to complete the whole lap. It sums up to around three and a half kilometers. I started slow, trying to gauge my optimal speed and pace up my heartbeat accordingly. It took half a kilometer to get into my rhythm. Then the heartbeat, the breathing and the steps all fall into a beautiful rhythm. Then on, it’s all about not giving up, not tiring mentally and just going on. It all seemed set for me. More than half the lap was over when Deva began to tire and got left behind (just the story bro, don’t take it anyways..). Short while later, Bob too got left behind and I was all alone by myself to complete the race.

Another thing about crossy here – it is pretty easy to just keep on running with others. But when alone, you have almost every reason in the world to give up. Still I was motivated. I knew deep down inside, I could do it. I had done it before. I went on. The hostel was in sight now. Only the last 100 meters or so were left. One small incline and I would be done. But just before the start of the incline, there was a stray thought in my mind that I would not be able to complete the lap even now. It was totally stray, had no significance. After all I could see my hostel gates. Less than 80 meters remained.

Next thing I knew I had missed a breath, then a step and lost the rhythm. It was all over for me. In a crossy it is impossible to start once you have stopped even for a single step. I had lost it. One moment of doubt, one moment of weakness had changed my story of "almost a victory" to defeat. And the modus of the defeat hurt.

In many ways, this is a big big lesson learnt......

Amchi Mumbai

2006-08-14T06:58:00.001+05:30

My association with Mumbai dates back to my childhood. My Dad got posted here and we stayed here for a year and a half. Those were the best days of my life, at least my childhood. I have plentiful sweet memories of those days. And I fell in love with the place then itself.

And Mumbai was one of the reasons why I chose IIT Bombay for my graduation. Having spent two more years in Mumbai, I have rediscovered my love for this place. Its Victorian architecture, the beaches, markets, even the traffic, there is something to it which draws me towards it. Somehow I can associate myself with the city, its people, even the smell of different areas. Having rekindled my old love for photography, it struck my mind as to why not capture Mumbai, by the night or evening, whatever……… I would call it “My Tribute to Mumbai”.

So out I set with my heavy baggage of cameras on a not so “bright and shiny” day. Still I was hoping against hope for a clear day, at least for the sake of my cameras. Having lost the batteries of my DIGI, trying to hop onto a running train (that in itself is a long story, demands a piece of its own) I had to go to Lamington Road to get the replacements. I was lucky at least on the monetary side to have gotten a decent deal on the batteries and the reel for the SLR camera. Just as I was getting buoyant, rains started pouring. I did a clumsy act trying to hide my stuff in the bag, and then the bag in my jacket. Somehow I managed to jump into a Double Decker bus and reach the front seat of the upper compartment. Seeing the bus crawl through the narrow lanes of south Mumbai, I could not resist myself and take some shots through the watered panes. It produced some hazy yet lovable shots.

I got down at Crawford Market. It is one of the bigger markets for fruits and so I decided to do some fruit photography. And soon I was the centre of attraction of almost all the fruit vendors. They must have felt I was some crazy chap wasting time. Most of them did not co-operate when I requested them to turn off or dim the lights. But I was not to be bogged down yet. I pursued on. They say luck is on the side of the courageous. And one of the vendors turned out to be overtly friendly. He arranged the light, the fruits and that gesture just fired me up. The shots were good. I loved them. After I was done, he came over to me and asked me to get the printed photos for him. He even asked me to do a shoot session and that he would pay for it. It almost was my first Photographic Assignment (or Job). I was elated. I still have his card in my pocket. I don’t know if I will do the job or not, but when I go there next, I sure will hand over the pics to him.

Seems my joy was only short lived and the SLR battery gave up. It had been last replaced three years back and this could have happened any moment. Headed towards the camera shop with a sunken heart, I knew I would not be able to take any more pictures that day. The battery used in my camera is kind of special and it had to be fetched from the store house. I was getting bored and started a casual conversation with the person sitting on the other side of the counter. He was a friend of the shop owner and had no idea about cameras. But, I was oblivious and kept on pestering him with my stupid queries. He meanwhile asked one of the staffs to get “wada pao” for all of us in the shop. He talked me into it and his kindness coupled with my hunger made me say yes. We kept on chit chatting on general things. I started liking him. Then my batteries arrived and I was getting desperate for some more shots. I wanted to run out and capture the setting sun by the Marine Lines beach. But then, I could not say no to him. I waited for the “wada pao” to arrive and tell you what it was the most delicious ones I had ever tasted. All my life, they are going to be the benchmark for “wada paos”. I was late, and could not get a single nice shot, but then I had some nice memories and a smile on my face.

I went towards Colaba area to have some fun or maybe just for the heck of it. I love the place more than any other in the city. But I was getting tired and so wanted to hurry back home. So at the bus stand I asked a man for directions about the bus to the railway station. He must have been at least 50. But his reply was “Come on guys, you are young. The station is near by. Just take a stroll.” So I went “Uncle I am tired….”. He retorted back “Come on yaar, you are so young. And you might catch glimpse of chicks along the way”. An exchange of smiles later, I was out on my foot in search of the chicks.

I never found any chicks but I had met three men, each different from the other. One an example of helpfulness, the second one was genuinely nice and kind, the third one youthful and enthusiastic about life.

They say a city is made of the people who live in it.

I now understood why. And my love for Mumbai grew…….

The Kid Within...

2006-08-14T06:58:00.000+05:30

There has been a myriad of emotions going on in my mind and sometimes I fail to understand them. I feel there is a kid inside me which refuses to grow up and surfaces very often much to my dismay. I act so kiddish sometimes, sometimes plain stupid. And I fail to understand its true cravings and desires no matter how much I ponder.

The Kid is very innocent, wants to have as pure a mind as one can, and wants to be oblivious of all the bad things of the world. In short, it wants to be in a state of happiness and joy and pure bliss. These seem to be so beautiful. But then it also wants to have a perfect world of my own, where it has every thing that it needs. Most importantly, it wants to have a sense of security. It wants a place where nothing can go wrong, a place where nothing happens without my desire and wish. I don't want the world to be perfect. I just want “my world” to be perfect and secure in all ways. This is what the kid in me craves for. And I know that any such thing does not happen. Because if it were to happen I would not need anything else and hence stagnate which is against the laws of nature.

The dilemma is that despite knowing the truth (or what ever it is, may be the grown up perspective) the mind and the kid still keep on craving for it. Jumping around on the beach following a balloon, chasing the bubbles, getting excited when it rains, sometimes even dancing in it, these are just some of my methods of reassuring myself that I am a child, at heart. But it is not all well either. The problem with the childish mind is that it gets fascinated by every other thing which it finds interesting. And the fascination might not last for long. Mostly it does not. And I am left with chasing some things for some time, then losing interest and getting newer things to pursue. This been has a series and every time I look back, I feel stupider to have wasted my time in futility. Some of the fascinations have turned into passions for life, most have just fizzled away (have lost count of those).

But then the “The Question”. Do I want to grow up or not? Should I give up the chase for "my perfect world"? Should I try and get out of "my childish oblivion”? The innocent mind brings imagination and freshness of ideas. It brings real happiness and joy. But by following it I cannot really achieve much, or so it seems. I really want to be as happy as a child always is, but I also want to be so much more, achieve so much, and change the world in my own possible way.

And presently I seem devoid of any answers.

The First Rains...

2006-08-14T06:57:00.001+05:30

Today, as I was giving finishing touches to my previous blog, a message popped on my screen. It was Manuj asking every one to accompany him to the Hill Top in the campus. So off we were, me carrying all my photography paraphernalia and a borrowed tripod. I was excited to be going to the hill top after so many months. But in that period, IIT had fenced off the portion of the hill belonging to the campus. Too Bad...

The scene from the top is the most beautiful, or so they say. And true they were. I loved it. But the fencing barred us from going to the temple and the Vihar Lake. But we were not to be bogged down so easily. While I was taking some shots, Manuj cleared off some of the fencing and we climbed over it and jumped across to the other side. It was fun of its own kind. And the scenes made for some really brilliant shots. By this time a slight, almost minimal, drizzle had begun. Walking in the drizzle was just so refreshing. But it was getting dark by the minute and we got down towards the Vihar Lake and walked back to IIT.

Just as we reached our rooms, it started raining signaling the onset of monsoon. It was the first rain of the season. It seemed as if the downpour did not have any intentions of stopping and as I write this, it still is raining. The earth was smelling wonderful as if inviting us to enjoy along. I and Abhinav could not resist our selves from bathing in the rain. We went to the terrace and bathed and danced and kicked the water on each other. It was fun. The child in me had found its way out.

The MotorCycle Diaries

2006-08-14T06:57:00.000+05:30

Che’ Guevara has almost become synonymous with Revolution in today’s world.

Born Ernesto Guevara de la Serna, Che’ went on to fight for communism and equality and become a hero to every one who thinks of himself as a rebel. A certain photograph of him can be seen on the T-Shirts of many a punk guys. But there is more to it and the movie in concern talks about making of the “Man”. I am no movie critique but the movie touched me so much, I was compelled to express my views about it.

The movie starts with Che’, 23, and his friend Alberto Granado, 29, decide to travel across the continent of South America. Che’ was studying to be a doctor, a leprosy specialist, and Granado was a biochemist. They start from Buenos Aires to Venezuela via Chile, Peru and Columbia. They pack up all the bare necessities and begin their sojourn on an old motorcycle. This very idea of packing off some stuff and cameras in a backpack and hitch hiking through the country fascinates me to the core. To me it means the confirmation of the free spirit. And out they were, to explore the world, understand human life and its meaning. I was hooked. They had a totally unpredictable world ahead of them, with no form of humanity to support or bail them out. But, I guess, it was their restlessness, dreaming and adventurous spirit that took them through.

They wander off to Miramar to meet Che’s girl friend, Chichina. Here I too will wander off the topic to speak a word about the Latin beauties. They have a fair skin, not shiny and black hair and a husky voice. “Lovely” is the word. Che’s girl was so beautiful I almost instantly fell in love with her. How he managed to leave her behind is tough to understand. Still, moving on towards some really beautiful land, they encountered troubles with the bike, tents blown off, falling of the bike sometimes even breaking down the bike.

They used their illustrious “doctor” status and sweet talking to find themselves places to sleep at people’s homes. Che’ was very faithful to his medicine profession and whenever he could, he did go out and help those who would ask for it. Granado was one of the fun loving, sweet talking types who just wanted to have a good time. Also Che’ was one of the straight talking types, those who tell the truth no matter what.

I got so engrossed in the man, I almost forgot about the movie. It is a brilliant movie with so many beautiful landscapes, melodious music and, for me, awesome photography. Despite it being in Spanish, I loved every bit of it. I might have not made sense but if you see it once, you might as well appreciate it.

On arriving in Peru, they saw something which was to change their lives forever. There was poverty and exploitation all around. Spaniards had taken over the country and the corrupt “rich and the police” combined to capture all the land of the farmers. The poverty and the hardships of this life made Che’ very emotional and sensitive towards pain. It is here that the seeds of socialism and communism were laid in his mind. The sensitivity with which this is portrayed in the movie is touching. On leaving Miramar, Chichina had given him 15$ to get her some stuff. Che’ had not parted with the money even when he was dying of an asthma attack. But seeing the pain of these Peruvians, he distributed the money amongst them. This signals his breaking off the shackles of personal desires and thinking of the humanity as a whole.

They break down their bike in Chile and still went on with the remaining of their journey of foot, hitch hiking and via the boat. Their spirit was just indomitable. Walking relentlessly for days and hundreds of kilometers they reach a leprosy centre in Peru and spend some time there. Then they take a boat ride on the Amazon to the main centre of leprosy in Latin America. The pain and the plight of the patients there changed their lives forever. Che’ gave his all to the inmates of the hospital. He refused to use surgical gloves while treating them. He healed them in the true sense, the body and the mind. They played football together, danced and celebrated his 24th birthday together. On the eve of his 24th birthday, he swam across the Amazon, a feat not achieved in memory. He had come of age. He had become a Man.

Che’ dreamt of a socially equal, harmonious, and united Latin America. And he went on to live that Dream

The importance of “Ditch”

2006-08-14T06:56:00.001+05:30

If you are acquainted with IITB lingo, you might know the importance of “ditch”. If not let me try and explain. It's kind of tough but still I 'll try. If you want to say no to something, just say “ditch” or if if some one is bugging you, you just say “ditch naa yaar”. The meaning and the way we use it demands a page of its own. So lets “ditch” that and come to the real thing.

I have a theory which goes such that “ditch” is the ultimate answer to every question in the world. Somebody asks you something tricky, there's a tough job at hand, classes to attend, just say, think and believe “ditch” and then lay back and have a good time.

So one day me and Deva were coming back from Mocha and suddenly aboard the auto rickshaw we realised that we did not have enough money left for the whole journey. So just as the meter read 15 we got down for a stroll back to the hostel. We still had a long way to go. So I started explaining to him my Theory of Ditch. We were having a nice laugh about the whole issue when I suggested why not we write an article on it. And then we had a lengthy and hearty discussion about it. We were deciding up on the details of the article and how relevant it might seem to all those IITians reading it.

But then suddenly it crept in our minds..
“What the heck. Chal DITCH!!!”

The Auto Rickshaw Driver

2006-08-14T06:56:00.000+05:30

Having just arrived at the Santa Cruz airport from home, I had to take an auto rickshaw back to IIT. And so I did. I got the first shock when he did recognize IIT. I did repeat it many times, even referred to Powai and Hiranandani. But the guy looked confident, though I wasn’t. But still I ventured.

On the way was a huge traffic jam and that’s where our conversation began. He just casually mentioned that I was lucky to be in a college and studying. I was surprised, even perplexed to hear that. So I asked why he thought so. That’s when he told me that he too liked to study but he could not continue his studies. And so I asked him about his background. He was from a small village in Jamui, near Deoghar, in Bihar (forget the geography; it is a regulation town in Bihar.). Father was a poor farmer, having not much land of own, now too old to work real hard and earn all of them their daily bread, had four siblings, two brothers and two sisters. The sisters have to wed off, the brothers brought up. No regular income to wend of worries. Believe me this is a common place in India, Bihar at least. I was getting saddened by his plight, so I asked his name.

Mahesh somehow did manage to complete his 10th standard. That too, with his own earning (I did not have the courage to ask how, the image just scared me) and while telling this his voice almost became overcome with a feeling of sadness mixed with achievement. He said that had his father supported him, he would have managed his living as well as studies. And I am pretty sure he had tears in his eyes when he told me this.

But then the siblings were growing up, demands increasing, and father growing old. He had to discontinue his education purely to support his family. He stayed in his village for two years but without much avail. And that’s when a friend of him brought him to Mumbai. And what he did for an earning is already known to you I guess.

I asked him if he liked studying. He did say yes but the conviction in his voice did make me believe so. That’s when I decided to cheer him up or try to talk him into giving another shot to studies. I suggested night schools, night colleges and other government initiatives. I explained the advantages that he would have if he did so. If he studied, he could get a proper job and would not be a daily wage worker anymore. He would have a better life and would provide a better life to his family and children. I did not know what all to say and what not, but I did try my best. I could not persuade him, neither order him, just give directions.

I was lost in my thoughts when we entered IIT. And he blurted out “It is so lovely place. I like this place a lot.” And the shocks were not over yet. He told me that once he had come here and loved the place so much, he parked his rickshaw and roamed around in the campus for the whole day. It was then that I realized, things which we get easily we take them for granted but those things mean so much to others and bring so much joy to them. My ride was about to end. So I decided to sign off with few last words.

“A man is the master of his own destiny. And no one else is.”
And it applies equally to me as to him.

A Passion for Photography...

2006-08-14T06:55:00.000+05:30

I have always cherished the dream of Nature and Travel Photography.

Out in the woods or in the mountains looking for deers, monkeys, or if lucky even the Royal Bengal Tiger. This certainly gives me the thrill found no where else. Or even the sun, setting over the sea, or just rising as seen from the Hilltop in our beautiful campus. Even flowers, when taken in a close up, can say a lot and stir our senses. This to me is just the begining and a passion of a life time.

Well, photography needs a camera and this is where I have been pretty lucky. Started with a Yashika point and shoot camera as a kid, Dad gifted me a Nikon SLR F50 on my passing out from school. And that is the best gift I ever got, not a camera but Passion of a lifetime. Thank you Papa.

And then, the icing on the cake. I got a Sony Digicam. It’s a fun camera which incidentally takes good photos too..

And recently I added a extension lens to my Nikon camera and a carry case too. Next on the line is a Tripod stand which is a must for every photographer. Then may be I’ll proceed on to get filters for shading effects etc….
I would like to learn Adobe Photoshop sometime and Suyog has promised to teach me that.

Whenever I write, I have a trouble finding the perfect ending. And it has cropped up here again. So all I can say is that, if you are a beautiful girl, meet me and I wouldn’t mind shifting from Nature Photography to Girls.
Haha……